|
|||||||
| Register | Blogging | Search | Today's Posts | Mark Forums Read |
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 17,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 300,000 posts. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
11-15-2007, 05:01 PM
|
|
|
Groupie
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 14
|
First piece of work, please review
Shame you had to waste all your time on me,
oh how I dread to think of all those possibilities you wasted... Would you believe I lay awake every night thinking of how I devoured your time Not long ago you were a waitress, forlorn, those perfect eyes refused to look up from the floor and if it were not for those clothes I bought, the ones that you cut up and now seductively adorn Not long ago you were a waitress forlorn til I took you out and revealed what your body was for and if it was not for these hands of mine then love I am sure you'd still be 9 til 5. Such a shame you had to waste all your time on me... discovering yourself but denying those possibilities oh and darling I cry myself to sleep at night knowing that you chose them envy that I have neither the time, nor the money, nor the girth of all these other men... Your lips can be put to better use than around the rim of a porcelain mug... and your hands can be put to better use than clasping the handle of a coffee jug. |
|
|
|
11-15-2007, 05:23 PM
|
|
|
Avin' It!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: THE PEOPLES ЯEPUBLIK ФF MAИCUИIA
Posts: 5,287
 |
Borderline pornography and about as subtle as a breezeblock.
__________________
Choose Liverpool. Choose the dole queue. Choose to scam disability benefit. Choose mind-numbing, grinding efficiency over flair. Choose Torben Piechnik, Istvan Kozma and Paul Stewart. Choose not to win a single league title since the backpass rule was implemented. Choose penalties. Choose car stereos, hubcaps and stanley knives. Choose to trade on your proud sense of tradition and then not lift a finger in protest when two American billionaires who don't even know the name of your club decide to buy it. Choose to win the European Cup whilst only having to play seven matches. Choose to bask in a perpetual, sickening, media love-in. Choose celebrities who **** off out of your city as soon as they have earned the money to do so and then spend the rest of their lives harping on about how wonderful it is. Choose to sing about Munich until confronted with your own tragedy. Choose to end it all in an orgy of self pity, just another excuse to perpetuate the grief culture spawned by your selfish, insular ****ed-up excuse for a city. Choose your future. Choose Scouse. |
|
|
|
11-16-2007, 02:20 AM
|
|
|
Groupie
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 14
|
does that make it good, or bad?
|
|
|
|
|
11-23-2007, 06:45 PM
|
||
|
Bad motherfücker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In The Realms of Poetry
Posts: 548
  |
If he calls it "borderline pornography" you can bet your powdered butt, he thinks it sucks.
__________________
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
|
11-27-2007, 07:55 PM
|
|
|
Groupie
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: canada!
Posts: 3
|
i like it, actually.
it has a sort of broken finality. |
|
|
|
|
11-28-2007, 11:52 AM
|
||
|
Music Rapist
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Somewhere in the U.S
Posts: 396
|
Uhm yeah... it was more disgusting that anything...
__________________
A soul in tension thats learning to fly Condition grounded but determined to try Cant keep my eyes from the circling skies Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
|
11-30-2007, 10:37 PM
|
|
|
Insert Custom User Title
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 996
|
this makes me want to stop writing
ugh. tip just try to fix these few stanzas: "Shame you had to waste all your time on me, oh how I dread to think of all those possibilities you wasted... Would you believe I lay awake every night thinking of how I devoured your time Not long ago you were a waitress, forlorn, those perfect eyes refused to look up from the floor and if it were not for those clothes I bought, the ones that you cut up and now seductively adorn Not long ago you were a waitress forlorn til I took you out and revealed what your body was for and if it was not for these hands of mine then love I am sure you'd still be 9 til 5. Such a shame you had to waste all your time on me... discovering yourself but denying those possibilities oh and darling I cry myself to sleep at night knowing that you chose them envy that I have neither the time, nor the money, nor the girth of all these other men... Your lips can be put to better use than around the rim of a porcelain mug... and your hands can be put to better use than clasping the handle of a coffee jug." |
|
|
|
|
12-01-2007, 05:55 AM
|
|
|
Music Addict
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ireland
Posts: 164
|
This reminds me of a kinda warped "Don't you want me baby" lol.
__________________
There’s something about seeing this city at night
Where we can say what we want and do what we like. These streets are empty but we don't feel alone, We can run in the dark and sleep on the roads. |
|
|
|
|
12-04-2007, 07:56 AM
|
|||
|
Music Rapist
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Somewhere in the U.S
Posts: 396
|
Quote:
Hahahahahaha, PWNED... sorry
__________________
A soul in tension thats learning to fly Condition grounded but determined to try Cant keep my eyes from the circling skies Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit Quote:
|
||
|
|
|
|
12-07-2007, 11:16 AM
|
|
|
Groupie
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1
|
Interesting poem.. don't know how well it'll translate into song... is that your purpose?
|
|
|
|
|
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
