sleepy jack fire drill

Absence Only Made Our Hearts Grow Old.

I've searched my soul but there's holes that lie
Where love and a sense of honesty should be,
And you know there's no way I can see you now
You've slipped through my fingers and I try to tell myself,
This is just the way things were supposed to be,
Time will kill you and me eventually,
The best I can do is drink and hope everything slows,
So I can end up somewhere near where I wanted to go.

And you know i've been thinking lately of how to live
But a charmless man can't hold onto charming hands,
So I drink too much and stumble past the graffiti
And the houses that decorate the streets where I live,
I collapse onto a bench and look at the graves laying
All along the roads and I smile through red eyes
And an upset stomach about the silly things we do,
To make sure we get our share but what will happen
In a hundred years? It'll turn to dust or sit in the dirt,
So I watch a bird take flight from a streetlight
And know that that's how I want to live my life.

Like the passing of fall, everything becomes gray and I faint
And awake, I run farther away from you and look out into the sea,
Blue like the colors of your eyes and I cast my love into the wind
And hope someday this song will find you.

__________________

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

I've searched my soul but there's holes that lay
Where love and a sense of honesty should be,
And you know there's no way I can see you now
You've slipped through my fingers and I try to tell myself,
This is just the way things were supposed to be,
Time will kill you and me eventually,
The best I can do is drink and hope everything slows,
So I can end up somewhere near where I wanted to go.
^ Seems like the first line should be "lie"...IDK, the rhymes that are here and very subtle and flow so that they aren't really noticed, which is good, because rhyming that is really noticeable, is usually crappy. (See "Cat In The Hat.")

And you know i've been thinking lately of how to live
But a charmless man can't hold onto charming hands,
So I drink too much and stumble passed the graffiti
And houses that decorate the streets where I live,
I collapse onto a bench and look at the graves laying
All along the roads and I smile through red eyes
And an upset stomach about the silly things we do,
To make sure we get our share but what will happen
In a hundred years? It'll turn to dust or sit in the dirt,
So I watch a bird take flight from a streetlight
And know that that's how I want to live my life.
^ The second line = mmmmm. "past" not "passed" "And the houses" sounds better. "Lying" < Maybe? IDK. The rest is very soft, me likey.

Like the passing of fall, everything becomes gray and I faint
And awake, I run farther away from you and look out into the sea,
Blue like the colors of your eyes and I cast my love into the wind
And hope someday the song will find you and tell you that
I've learned its over, I just never knew.
^ I like "farther from you" better. I'd end with "And hope someday the song will find you," The last bit of the sentence seems kinda cliche.

All in all, good stuff.

__________________
Say what again motherfucker, I double dare you, say what one mo' goddamned time!

sleepy jack fire drill

thanks i fixed it all.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

It should be "This song." Right? Unless its not-self referential. And its mucho sexier now.

__________________
Say what again motherfucker, I double dare you, say what one mo' goddamned time!

sleepy jack fire drill

it should be /fixes

awriterslastresort

i love it.

i feel your emotion in this song/writing. so soft and enjoyable.
not like the other stuff people attempt to write.

__________________
why do you close your eyes even when we don't make love

either/or

yes we can all only attempt to be so eloquent

__________________
Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

I sense...sarcasm.

__________________
Say what again motherfucker, I double dare you, say what one mo' goddamned time!

TheCaster

Great stuff, It seems like it would be hard to put into a song though.. rather long lines.. But if you ever do make a recording or anything post it up here i would love to hear it