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12-06-2007, 03:35 AM
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Negative Creep
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 647
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Until You Fall (Back to Earth)
This is probably the first thing I've written in months, and it only took me a couple of hours to complete.
Was gonna change "shining light" to "burning light", because I can't stand to repeat words or forms of words. I decided to let it slide for now, until it eats at me to where I can't stand it. I don't know if I'm completely done with it yet. Thought I would check in here while I had a little free time, so don't forget to tell me how much you missed me! Until You Fall (Back to Earth) Thursday, December 6, 2007 4:51 A.M. [-----Verse 1-----] Well, I see your face Like a shining light Poured over the seas It shone into the night Like another world In the star filled sky You're so far away... Away from mine [-----End Verse-----] [-----Chorus-----] Until you fall Back to Earth Until you fall Back to Earth Until you find your place Here in this world Until you fall Back to Earth [-----End Chorus-----] [-----Verse 2-----] Well, I'll do my best Just to lift you up And I'd hate to see You ever come undone You're like a gift to me And my gifts are few I'd give up everything Just to see you through [-----End Verse-----] [-----Chorus-----] Until you fall Back to Earth Until you fall Back to Earth Until you find your place Here in this world Until you fall Back to Earth [-----End Chorus-----] [-----Bridge-----] And I can see that you've become So much better than you were So much better than before But you're still holding on to something wrong And I will help you to let go Yeah, I will comfort you And guide you on [-----End Bridge-----] [-----Chorus 2-----] Until you fall Back to Earth Until you fall Back to Earth And I will get What I deserve When you fall Back to Earth [-----End Chorus-----]
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She said if time was in a bottle High up on her shelf She would knock it over And make the world stand still If faith was in her left hand And love was in her right She'd put them both together And raise them to the sky  |
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12-14-2007, 04:57 AM
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Negative Creep
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 647
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Telling me it's absolutely brilliant? No tomatoes or sarcastic replies?!
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She said if time was in a bottle High up on her shelf She would knock it over And make the world stand still If faith was in her left hand And love was in her right She'd put them both together And raise them to the sky |
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12-14-2007, 08:27 AM
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Music Addict
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Chicago/St. Louie
Posts: 726
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There is nothing lyrically spectacular about this - it would take music to make the lyrics happen, imo. It does, however, have potential to be a pretty badass song - it's hard to judge lyrics when they aren't word heavy - especially when you have no music to listen to accompany the lyrics. I'd like to hear this recorded.
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12-15-2007, 02:17 AM
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Negative Creep
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 647
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Yeah, it's simple and it's a slow pace. It would definately help readers alot more to have a tune with it.
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She said if time was in a bottle High up on her shelf She would knock it over And make the world stand still If faith was in her left hand And love was in her right She'd put them both together And raise them to the sky |
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12-15-2007, 09:11 AM
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Music Addict
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ireland
Posts: 164
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Just like.. the last line of each verse I think
Away from mine Just to see you through And guide you on You need to make it clearer what you're talking about. But other than that its a pretty cool lyric. I think i would work a lot better with music too.
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There’s something about seeing this city at night
Where we can say what we want and do what we like. These streets are empty but we don't feel alone, We can run in the dark and sleep on the roads. |
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12-15-2007, 08:30 PM
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Negative Creep
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 647
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The first line is like comparing someone to an object out of reach.
I.E., a metaphor about the distance between someone, whether physically, or emotionally. "Another world in the star filled sky. So far away. Away from mine." Showing how the other person is so distant, by making the two seem worlds apart. The song is about trying to help someone better themselves, and to "see them through" the transformation. I liked it better than, "just to be with you", since that seemed cliche and overused. Thanks for the comments.
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She said if time was in a bottle High up on her shelf She would knock it over And make the world stand still If faith was in her left hand And love was in her right She'd put them both together And raise them to the sky |
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12-16-2007, 08:09 PM
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Bone Machine
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 17,561
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Eh, I didn't think it was anything special in fact it reminded me of some post-grunge song that use to get a lot of radio play a few years ago and that isn't a compliment.
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I'm not blind, I believe in you. |
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12-16-2007, 09:38 PM
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Negative Creep
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 647
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I'll take it as one. If it reminds you of grunge, then I did my job.
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She said if time was in a bottle High up on her shelf She would knock it over And make the world stand still If faith was in her left hand And love was in her right She'd put them both together And raise them to the sky |
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