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12-06-2007, 11:47 PM
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Account Disabled
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 14
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Never Never Ever
Break, break, break, break
down. Break through the space Or don't make a sound. You always knew you'd never last in this place. Run, run, run, run away. Run if you can or you'll pay. Coz I'm sure that you don't want to stay. You're never never ever gonna make it out. You're never never ever gonna break out. You're not gonna see light You're not that bright. No never never ever. |
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12-06-2007, 11:53 PM
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Ban Captain Caveman
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In The Realms of Poetry
Posts: 559
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The first verse was good. It went downhill from there. The "run away" repetition didn't work, because it was cliche and uninteresting. The last verse is composed largely of the same line over and over. Also, never, ever say "coz." If you're a serious writer, you won't insult the rest of us with internet grammar and spelling. 7/10 for the first verse, 1/10 for verses 2 and 3.
__________________
Quote:
I said: I'm fucking the Prime Minister Of Spain. |
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12-06-2007, 11:54 PM
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Account Disabled
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 14
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what do think> critisizms and good stuff
(_8(!) @@@8) |
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12-06-2007, 11:56 PM
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Account Disabled
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 14
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lol thnx for the advice.. i agree and i mean that i aint that good a writa... but i say if u get insulted by 'coz' then ya pretty hard on peeps... but yeh its not very pro
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