My Work (music and lyrics, great songs, beatles, solo, orchestra)

wolverinewolfweiselpigeon · 06-18-2008, 02:14 AM

Most of the songs I write sound redundant, but I'm working with what I have.
Please tell me what you think.

The Game
It's odd the way it doesn't hurt
To know that you're with her.
It's not that I don't wish you mine;
Or me whom you prefer.

It's just the way you watch me
When you think that I don't know.
That makes me wonder if there's more
Behind the care you show.

The little things you tell me
In contrast to what I hear;
The unexpected compliments
Still burn within my ear.

If just one day is all we had
To feed this lust's desire,
Without a second wasted
I'd be sure to spread the fire.

So is it wrong to know exactly
What it is I want?
Some may call this thought impure
To think, and moreso, flaunt.

Yet I feel strangely empowered
In uttering these words;
Like no one's thoughts can bring me down,
And least of them all, hers.

But what I really need to know
Is if you feel the same.
For even if I never win,
I'll never quit the game.

With You
I've got a pocketful of change.
We can take it, make it, last us all the way.
It doesn't even matter where we go;
You're the only thing my heart has been looking for.

I hope we make a wrong turn on the way.
We don't make town, breakdown, and get caught in the rain.
As long as I have you by my side
I can never waste another day not enjoyin' the ride.

I want to go away with you.
We could ride away, right away, and not think things through.
Maybe when the time's right we can hold hands.
It'll feel so right to talk all night, and make new plans.

You have brightened up my skies so.
And at the risk of failing this I think you should know.
I think I wanna be with you.
And if we ever are together my dreams have come true.

mellofello · 06-18-2008, 09:31 PM

looks like some excellent and well phrased lyrics to me, I think I'm dropping out of this forum though. These could be great songs I think, just depends on how you play them. it's really impossible for me to tell with just the lyrics.

I think it's better to be redundant than to try to change directions in the middle of a song. as long as there is something interesting going on with the music, a bridge, change in orchestration, a solo maybe. reference all the early Beatles stuff, very redundant lyrics. they did ok with it :-)

wolverinewolfweiselpigeon · 06-18-2008, 09:49 PM

Thanks! I'm really putting myself out there saying this, but I still don't know how to play guitar well enough, and I don't know how to put together music and lyrics. I can write a whole song on guitar, but never have the words for it, and the same visa versa. Someday though.

mellofello · 06-18-2008, 11:56 PM

one way to get started might be to take a song you know, write new lyrics to the melody of that song. then go back and change the melody to make it truly original. some of the best melodies are very simple. it's usually to do with the rythym of them that makes them great and not the notes. a rest here a triplet there perhaps holding a note a little longer than would be expected. If you just take one line out of your song and hum it or sing it over and over and play with every syllable you'll come up with something good. usually if you get one line to sound great the rest of them will fall into place fairly quickly. good luck

taylrtokio · 07-01-2008, 04:20 PM

Your lyrics are amazing, I have no advice though on the music or anything since i dont know how to play any instrument but anyway, great job on the lyrics, you've very talented.

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06-18-2008, 09:31 PM
mellofello Groupie Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 9	looks like some excellent and well phrased lyrics to me, I think I'm dropping out of this forum though. These could be great songs I think, just depends on how you play them. it's really impossible for me to tell with just the lyrics. I think it's better to be redundant than to try to change directions in the middle of a song. as long as there is something interesting going on with the music, a bridge, change in orchestration, a solo maybe. reference all the early Beatles stuff, very redundant lyrics. they did ok with it :-)

06-18-2008, 11:56 PM
mellofello Groupie Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 9	one way to get started might be to take a song you know, write new lyrics to the melody of that song. then go back and change the melody to make it truly original. some of the best melodies are very simple. it's usually to do with the rythym of them that makes them great and not the notes. a rest here a triplet there perhaps holding a note a little longer than would be expected. If you just take one line out of your song and hum it or sing it over and over and play with every syllable you'll come up with something good. usually if you get one line to sound great the rest of them will fall into place fairly quickly. good luck

07-01-2008, 04:20 PM
taylrtokio Groupie Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 8	Your lyrics are amazing, I have no advice though on the music or anything since i dont know how to play any instrument but anyway, great job on the lyrics, you've very talented.