Double X

When they fly
To the River
There is,
No one coming back for you

And the Sun
Shining over the clouds
But when the, rain falls down
Your life will end

And you saw
Yourself in the mirror
And the Sun glistened in your eyes
And the beat looks down the brain

But the Sun shines on
And the rain keeps falling down
And these new graves mesh
In this fresh fertile ground

And then you saw,
Yourself in the mirror,
And you-
Gasp and scurry away

And the sun shines on,
But rain keeps falling down.
So do you cry?
Or is it, just the sun in your eyes?

But the Sun shines on
And the rain keeps falling down
And these new graves mesh
In this fresh fertile ground

And then he fell
Over the rain
And the sun's fading from his eyes
And you know he’s going to die

-break-

But the sun shines on
And the rain keeps falling down
And these new graves mesh
In this fresh fertile ground

And then you saw
Yourself the mirror
And there’s rain cloud over your head
And you know you’ll soon be dead

But the sun shines on
And the rain
Will keep falling
Down
______________

I know the bolded line sucks, and I don't use great vocabulary but the words all flow very well off the tounge and it has a good melody. Sort of like a mix between Stand By Me (John Lennon does a cover of it) and Good Day Sunshine (Beatles)...different melody though, but it sounds like the spot between them.

So what do you think of the metaphor? Is it overused, too emo, too repetitive? That's how the actual song would play out with the chorus in italics.

Any comments appreciated thanks