WolfAtTheDoor

One day, when I can't find
the patches that reveal the stars in the sky
I'll take the hint and I'll pack up my mind
and you'll never see me, not after that day.

One day, when I won't open my eyes
and no one even bothers to ask why
I'll take the hint and I'll pack up my mind
and you'll never see me, never again.

And I'll push for the answers that I'm not s'posed to know
follow all the streams just to see where they go
read all the books and write all the letters
I'll make myself live forever.

One day, when the electricity's died
I'll refuse to rub sticks as a means of light
I'll march straight to my computer, and ask God why
we never see him, we never see him at all

And I'll push for the answers that I'm not s'posed to know
find a signal for heaven on my little radio
read all the books til I can change the weather
find out how to live forever

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

The repetitiveness doesn't work for me, however, I like the piece quite a bit other than that. The use of "s'posed" seems very out of place. The title is Binary Bluez, yet, computer is only mentioned once, which seems weird. The idea behind the poem is excellent, and I like quite a bit of this, but it needs work. Can't wait for draft 2.

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I said: I'm fucking the Prime Minister Of Spain.

WolfAtTheDoor

I called it binary bluez just because I couldn't think of anything else to call it to be honest... draft 2 will come shortly

wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

I really liked it. It has good fluency for the most part, and I especially like:
"And I'll push for the answers that I'm not s'posed to know
follow all the streams just to see where they go"
Very humbling.

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