sleepy jack

I had a nightmare where we fell in love,
It was beautiful,
It was everything I ever dreamed of.
You were wearing those scarves
You lost to the wolves years ago,
Be still let me kiss your neck
We can fall asleep in these clothes,
We can be held together by each other's arms,
We can forget all that happens,
And pretend that the clouds are the limit,
I'll hurry home and read you a stupid book,
To cheer you up,
You'll place a rose behind my ear
God I'm so scared.
I've written your face
On every piece of paper,
From Canada to here.
I don't know what happened,
I lost you somewhere in a haze,
Place something in my drink
And I'll sing you a song,
I've been reading every
True Romance magazine
I know the line to melt your heart.
I can quote Wilde to get you out of your pants,
I can pretend, I can pretend
I speak like I'm in France,
I use to be held in your arms,
Disarmed by your charm,
But a charmless man
Can't hold onto charming hands,
I've been sleeping the afternoon away,
I've been kissing the empty space
Where your head use to lay,
This is nothing like it use to be,
We use to be free,
But I'm the king of the streets,
I'm nothing like I use to be,
I believed in fate,
I believed in love,
I believed in you,
You were beautiful
You are beautiful
You're still my dream.

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I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet.

wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

<3

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JayJamJah

Who are your non-musical influences?

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My Van Morrison Discography Thread

sleepy jack

Kerouac, Camus, Plath, Kierkegaard, Larkin, Dostoevsky, Kesey, Wilde, Salinger, Mishima, Burroughs, Ginsberg, Eliot and Becket.

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I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet.

right-track

Very good.

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creepinson

I thought the meaning was good, but also that the flow kind of faltered here.

Other than that I think that the overall effect is what you wanted to achieve. It was very romantic, as i suspect you hoped for given the title, but where as many similarly romantic pieces seem to falter and maybe come off kind of cheesy, i thought that the fact that it just seemed very honest in the way it was written allowed you to avoid that. Even the way some of the somewhat blunt literal lines contrasted with the more figurative parts, but still portrayed the same kind of feeling or motivation added to this sense of honesty.

Also, just a dumb little thing, but i think if you divided stuff into stanzas it would be easier for readers to understand how you want the lines to flow together. It can also help divide thoughts or metaphors or whatever in a way that helps to focus attention on how certain concepts and feelings are important or related.

Thats all i think, overall I liked it.

c4c if you get the chance?