Getting a $250 Ticket for BS (quote, Hang)

**JayJamJah** · 08-19-2008, 08:59 PM

Exposing the exposed
We loathe those who owe
back taxes, bank loans
child support, let alone
alimony the phony fix that doesn't fix it
sexists process I contest to amend don't get it twisted
A man is a man not a nine number digit
a woman for that matter the same, what the fuck is this
Pulled over by smokey, cause my tint is resistant
to those who oppose the constitution, and my rights in it
the right to my space, and that that's within it
the right to drive safe, and at the speed limit
but the problem is that's not the way this guy sees it
It's his job to rob and steal and appeal to the district
the judges whose names are framed with their image
on the walls of the halls we most hate to visit
choose to resist, what they wish to impose
be stronger then them, better then those
who instead of side stepping, would step on your toes
when right is projected wrong is exposed.

netherlane · 08-19-2008, 10:44 PM

What did you get the ticket for?

**JayJamJah** · 08-20-2008, 04:16 PM

Window tint too dark.

Wifey Boozer · 08-20-2008, 07:38 PM

^ That's absurd.

I love this piece. It's very real, and honest, speaks the truth and the voice isn't shaking, either. I always like this type of stuff. I wouldn't change a thing. This isn't a constructive response but I felt compelled to tell you how much I liked it and appreciated it's voice.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 08-20-2008, 08:47 PM

Noice.

**JayJamJah** · 08-20-2008, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBoozeIsBack

^ That's absurd.

I love this piece. It's very real, and honest, speaks the truth and the voice isn't shaking, either. I always like this type of stuff. I wouldn't change a thing. This isn't a constructive response but I felt compelled to tell you how much I liked it and appreciated it's voice.

Thank you

Whatsitoosit · 08-27-2008, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by netherlane

What did you get the ticket for?

wasn't it obvious? "cause my tint is resistant "

Not bad Jay, of course this may work extremely well to music... as a written piece I felt the beginning and end flowed nicely and the middle not so much. A lot of the end rhymes and phrasing were like mini stop signs for me but overall I felt it was well thought out.

**JayJamJah** · 08-27-2008, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whatsitoosit

wasn't it obvious? "cause my tint is resistant "

Not bad Jay, of course this may work extremely well to music... as a written piece I felt the beginning and end flowed nicely and the middle not so much. A lot of the end rhymes and phrasing were like mini stop signs for me but overall I felt it was well thought out.

Thanks for the comments, it was not well thought out however. All of my poems are free lance stream of conscious, you sort of have to get the cadence of that middle section to make it work, otherwise there are too many words that rhyme to really keep the tempo. It's written in the a style common in African English language Poetry I am quite fond of. The first and last stanza's are just traditional rhythm and phrasing. Nice catch by the way on the formatic change.

Whatsitoosit · 08-27-2008, 04:20 PM

ahhh, gotcha (makes sense)... it seemed like you had a plan, I just didn't catch onto it. Anyway, good job... even if you didn't sit there working things through, it reads as a well put together piece of poetry.

**JayJamJah** · 08-27-2008, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whatsitoosit

ahhh, gotcha (makes sense)... it seemed like you had a plan, I just didn't catch onto it. Anyway, good job... even if you didn't sit there working things through, it reads as a well put together piece of poetry.

I have a plan when i write in terms of what I want to talk about, but if I edit and rewrite etc. i find I am never happy with the end result. Thanks again for having a look.

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08-19-2008, 10:44 PM
netherlane Groupie Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3	What did you get the ticket for?

08-20-2008, 07:38 PM
Wifey Boozer Prime Minister of Spain Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Troy side'ah the dirt, NY Posts: 274	^ That's absurd. I love this piece. It's very real, and honest, speaks the truth and the voice isn't shaking, either. I always like this type of stuff. I wouldn't change a thing. This isn't a constructive response but I felt compelled to tell you how much I liked it and appreciated it's voice. __________________ Circa Le Vintage: I love you. Circa Le Vintage: You pretentious bastard. Circa Le Vintage: <3 deadreligionggjb: I love you too. You pretentious cunt. deadreligionggjb: <3 Everybody knows I'm not a folk-singer.

08-27-2008, 04:20 PM
Whatsitoosit Bringer of Carrots Join Date: May 2008 Location: New York, NY Posts: 454	ahhh, gotcha (makes sense)... it seemed like you had a plan, I just didn't catch onto it. Anyway, good job... even if you didn't sit there working things through, it reads as a well put together piece of poetry. __________________ "It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face."