another of my bands songs (singer)

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 06-07-2005, 11:59 PM

This is the great fall
of a once exalted nation
drinking the venom of self-corruption
giving into the worship of demon idols
becoming the whore of her own sins
selling out herself for unworthy desires

chorus:
killing themselves slowly and painfully
they forget all that happened in the past
and forge a pact written in their blood
with the prince of hell himself

their fathers laid the seeds of power
just to be thrown away in disrespect
for the covenant of their fathers
turning their backs away from their provider
vulnerable to the siege of their enemies
unaware of their eventual demise

I give you people of this nation
all that your hearts desire
disregard the laws of your elders
for within me you will find happiness
I will give you all of this
for the small price of your souls

now their temple, cities, and towns lie in ruins
now they sweat in the courts of hell
now they are the dark prince's jesters
forever condemned to eternal fire

Ensemble · 06-08-2005, 11:13 PM

Cool song! It's kinda like System of a Down.

eviljoker7075 · 06-09-2005, 03:43 AM

That is a rather dark and mysterious 'overlord-type' song. But it kinda appeals to me. Not sure why, I kinda like the imagery it creates. Powerful ideas lie within your brain young Jedi!

Drumwaka · 06-09-2005, 04:33 AM

i like it... its more of a atreyu style song... i love that band

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 06-21-2005, 03:12 PM

anyone else got an opinion on it?

riseagainstrocks · 06-21-2005, 06:16 PM

one of the better ones you've posted, i just have a few suggestions.

This is the great fall
of a once exalted nation
drinking the venom of self-corruption //venom = bad word. try:drinking from the chalice of self corruption
giving into the worship of demon idols //demonic idols is correct grammer.
becoming the whore of her own sins
selling out herself for unworthy desires

chorus:
killing themselves slowly and painfully// i really don't like the chorus. it seems very forced. sometimes songs don't need chorus's and this seems like one of them
they forget all that happened in the past
and forge a pact written in their blood
with the prince of hell himself

their fathers laid the seeds of power
just to be thrown away in disrespect
for the covenant of their fathers
turning their backs away from their provider
vulnerable to the siege of their enemies
unaware of their eventual demise

I give you people of this nation// i really like this last stanza, simple yet powerful. good work on this one.
all that your hearts desire
disregard the laws of your elders
for within me you will find happiness
I will give you all of this
for the small price of your souls

now their temple, cities, and towns lie in ruins
now they sweat in the courts of hell
now they are the dark prince's jesters
forever condemned to eternal fire

overall probably the best you've put up here

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 06-22-2005, 10:45 PM

thank you very much. this was a great help. ill make sure our singer sees this.

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06-08-2005, 11:13 PM
Ensemble Prep Massacre Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 319	Cool song! It's kinda like System of a Down.

06-09-2005, 03:43 AM
eviljoker7075 Tune Meister Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: England, North South Eastenshire Posts: 158	That is a rather dark and mysterious 'overlord-type' song. But it kinda appeals to me. Not sure why, I kinda like the imagery it creates. Powerful ideas lie within your brain young Jedi! __________________ Daft Punk Fansite Auteur Theory

06-09-2005, 04:33 AM
Drumwaka Groupie Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Wales Posts: 9	i like it... its more of a atreyu style song... i love that band

06-21-2005, 06:16 PM
riseagainstrocks Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: JMU Posts: 3,151	one of the better ones you've posted, i just have a few suggestions. This is the great fall of a once exalted nation drinking the venom of self-corruption //venom = bad word. try:drinking from the chalice of self corruption giving into the worship of demon idols //demonic idols is correct grammer. becoming the whore of her own sins selling out herself for unworthy desires chorus: killing themselves slowly and painfully// i really don't like the chorus. it seems very forced. sometimes songs don't need chorus's and this seems like one of them they forget all that happened in the past and forge a pact written in their blood with the prince of hell himself their fathers laid the seeds of power just to be thrown away in disrespect for the covenant of their fathers turning their backs away from their provider vulnerable to the siege of their enemies unaware of their eventual demise I give you people of this nation// i really like this last stanza, simple yet powerful. good work on this one. all that your hearts desire disregard the laws of your elders for within me you will find happiness I will give you all of this for the small price of your souls now their temple, cities, and towns lie in ruins now they sweat in the courts of hell now they are the dark prince's jesters forever condemned to eternal fire overall probably the best you've put up here __________________ www.siegemusic.blogspot.com One note timeless, came out of nowhere...