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Old 12-29-2013, 06:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Post My first rap verse.

Please don't just say "it's good" or "it's bad", please give me some tips to work on ! I'd really appreciate it !

There's something that I have to say,
I'm not the same happy person everyday
Every day that I grow older,
My mind slowly becomes colder

I don't know why , can't hold it,
I want to escape, throw it
Away in the air, fly with it
But I can't , I'm falling off this cliff it

Is impossible to get back up,
I'm going down while all I want to do is step up,
I wish I could, wish I had the ability
But I don't , it's not reality,

Being able to live life happily
Is impossible, I'm getting pulled down, gravity
What are you doing , I'm falling from the top,
Deeper down the cliff everyday, it won't stop

Looking at my rearview , going back in time,
9 years old, back in my prime,
I thought the whole world was mine,
But it wasn't , my mother was crying,

Wanted to help , but I was to shy and,
she went on with the yelp, now I'm singing this rhyme,
But back then I was different,
I couldn't say the right words I was illiterate,

I wanted to show her I was considerate,
But in my mind there was a lil' debate,
Going on, what should I say,
What does she need to hear to throw her sadness away,

In the end, there was nothing at all,
Just my teared eyes, the help was small,
My brother shouldve been able to he was double my age ,
But he's why mom was in this stage,

He's the reason mom had this amount of rage
Mom had to suffer being in this cage,
Shes been there for years, every bad thing brother did moved her,
Hitting the wall she feared, she was scared of every single footstep,

The cage was dark red and explosive,
It was full of toxic, acid and corrosive,
She got close to the wall, filled with fear,
That's when she found out my brother was doing weed,

She crashed into the wall with infinite speed,
The limits off the cage is what she had exceed,
So it exploded, her voice made unthinkable sound,
Finally did the right thing and kicked her own son out of the house

She thought she would be happier mto live without,
But she wasn't , she was still crying on the ground,
Leaving her addicted son outside, she wasn't proud,
That's what my entire childhood was about,

That's the **** I had to observe,
Standing in the corner it was getting on my nerves.
I didn't care, for me it was common sense,
To hear them fighting and crying instensively at the expense

Of me growing up, but I still did,
I became a young man , stopped being a kid
I thank my brother for only one little thing,
He showed me the wrong, now I live like martin luther king
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Old 12-29-2013, 05:02 PM   #2 (permalink)
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It's good - I'd be interested to hear you perform it, because I think the way you use emphasis can add a lot to a song.

Your brother got thrown out just for smoking weed though? Seems a bit harsh. Sure, it's not a particularly pleasant habit, but then neither is any form of smoking.
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Old 01-23-2014, 01:36 PM   #3 (permalink)
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My flow cold/i spit snow/and cry snowflakes/in freestyle battles i drop bars/and make the crowd shake/i wanna make it to the top/but its kinda hard/performing at bars/and auditioning for superstars/but i wont give up/i fall get back up/and tell the devil/one fall aint enough for us/in god i trust/so ima keep on rappin/till im promoted/from private to captain
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Old 01-23-2014, 02:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Definitely some grammatical errors here.
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Old 01-23-2014, 03:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Bro u were in ur prime at 9 yrs old......
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Old 01-23-2014, 05:27 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Ill post up
You show up
Its goin down
Bitch my niggas
Love to clown
Blowin loud in the crowd
Sour diesel
Hella lethal
Dawg the real smoked out
But the party
Dont start till
We call the hoes out
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Old 02-10-2014, 03:11 PM   #7 (permalink)
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It is a powerful piece of poetry. It would be fascinating to hear it on a song. That is the power of music; so you can know the various tales of people all over the world!
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Old 02-10-2014, 03:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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That is what I call good and awesome music right there.
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