This forum seems dead (beatles, quote, song, 2002)

TheBig3KilledMyRainDog · 08-30-2005, 10:25 PM

Yeah alright this place is growing cobwebs and I have my problems with this forum, but maybe all it needs is a jumpstart. That being said, this is a crap poem I wrote back in 2002 (may maybe) for one of my poetics classes. It was the first one I did, so as you can imagine...

People Props
[My Name Here]

I watch the Eleanor Rigby’s of life
From benches in parks and
The bus seats of rapid transit
Existing

Statues of flesh
Living Decorations
Breathing Christmas Ornaments
Filler

They are extras in a movie
Or muzak in a mall
There to fill the gap
That exists without there menial presence

They’re on time
They crawl on all fours
Walk down the aisle and put
Both feet in the grave

Can they fathom?
Running, diving, swinging
What they must think as they pass
When they see me
Sitting
On a bench in the park

Hype8 · 08-31-2005, 08:41 AM

I actually like this one. Normally poems are a bit dull to me cause of the lack of rhymes and stuff, but I liked this one nice job.

TheBig3KilledMyRainDog · 08-31-2005, 06:12 PM

Thanks, having not seen it since its submission (i got it from the word file) theres alot I would edit, but I do appreciate the sentiment.

riseagainstrocks · 08-31-2005, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBig3KilledMyRainDog

They’re on time
They crawl on all fours
Walk down the aisle and put
Both feet in the grave

awesome line. really awesome in fact. not sure why just the image I saw when i read it.

and I don't know who Eleanor Rigby is and something tells me that will result in a summary execution but whateva

TheBig3KilledMyRainDog · 09-01-2005, 10:46 AM

eleanor rigby (if you weren't screwing with me) is a beatles song, shes lonly as does prefunctory things for no reason.

Thats for the feedback.

boris jawaka · 09-04-2005, 08:20 PM

yeah! i like this poem

its spooky and it paints a scary picture to me - probably because i dont knwo what half of it means

TheBig3KilledMyRainDog · 09-04-2005, 09:02 PM

Really? Which parts?

phoenixflames · 09-10-2005, 01:24 PM

The beginning verses are really good. I like those alot. As it progresses on, I feel like it breaks down abit. From after the second verse I would say. Overall though, really good IMO. Do you still write or did you only write for class?

TheBig3KilledMyRainDog · 09-10-2005, 03:27 PM

I still write, but as it stands, this was posted in hopes to get people to keep submiting, its been mentioned to me that my comments and therefore writing philosophy is not very good. I got a PM on that one. I never submit works.

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08-30-2005, 10:25 PM
TheBig3KilledMyRainDog Maybe I can keep this one Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Bostonia Posts: 3,830	This forum seems dead Yeah alright this place is growing cobwebs and I have my problems with this forum, but maybe all it needs is a jumpstart. That being said, this is a crap poem I wrote back in 2002 (may maybe) for one of my poetics classes. It was the first one I did, so as you can imagine... People Props [My Name Here] I watch the Eleanor Rigby’s of life From benches in parks and The bus seats of rapid transit Existing Statues of flesh Living Decorations Breathing Christmas Ornaments Filler They are extras in a movie Or muzak in a mall There to fill the gap That exists without there menial presence They’re on time They crawl on all fours Walk down the aisle and put Both feet in the grave Can they fathom? Running, diving, swinging What they must think as they pass When they see me Sitting On a bench in the park __________________ “The night falls gracefully for those who have a love to call their own. But alas, for those to whom love has turned a blind eye – love, it falls like a guillotine” “No more waiting for fate to befall me, no. I have my dreamboat, and together we will find our destiny, choose our ladder to the sky” - Markus Pierson

08-31-2005, 08:41 AM
Hype8 Music Addict Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: california Posts: 177	I actually like this one. Normally poems are a bit dull to me cause of the lack of rhymes and stuff, but I liked this one nice job.

08-31-2005, 06:12 PM
TheBig3KilledMyRainDog Maybe I can keep this one Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Bostonia Posts: 3,830	Thanks, having not seen it since its submission (i got it from the word file) theres alot I would edit, but I do appreciate the sentiment. __________________ “The night falls gracefully for those who have a love to call their own. But alas, for those to whom love has turned a blind eye – love, it falls like a guillotine” “No more waiting for fate to befall me, no. I have my dreamboat, and together we will find our destiny, choose our ladder to the sky” - Markus Pierson

09-01-2005, 10:46 AM
TheBig3KilledMyRainDog Maybe I can keep this one Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Bostonia Posts: 3,830	eleanor rigby (if you weren't screwing with me) is a beatles song, shes lonly as does prefunctory things for no reason. Thats for the feedback. __________________ “The night falls gracefully for those who have a love to call their own. But alas, for those to whom love has turned a blind eye – love, it falls like a guillotine” “No more waiting for fate to befall me, no. I have my dreamboat, and together we will find our destiny, choose our ladder to the sky” - Markus Pierson

09-04-2005, 08:20 PM
boris jawaka Chrome Plated Megaphone Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Adelaide, Australia Posts: 163	yeah! i like this poem its spooky and it paints a scary picture to me - probably because i dont knwo what half of it means __________________ "Artists are artists, because they have an extra sensitivity - a skin less perhaps than other people; and the great ones have an uncomfortable habit of being right about many things, long before their time" - Benjamin Britten, 1951

09-04-2005, 09:02 PM
TheBig3KilledMyRainDog Maybe I can keep this one Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Bostonia Posts: 3,830	Really? Which parts? __________________ “The night falls gracefully for those who have a love to call their own. But alas, for those to whom love has turned a blind eye – love, it falls like a guillotine” “No more waiting for fate to befall me, no. I have my dreamboat, and together we will find our destiny, choose our ladder to the sky” - Markus Pierson

09-10-2005, 01:24 PM
phoenixflames Something That You're Not Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Cold And All Alone Posts: 480	The beginning verses are really good. I like those alot. As it progresses on, I feel like it breaks down abit. From after the second verse I would say. Overall though, really good IMO. Do you still write or did you only write for class? __________________ ----------- I'm the lead singer and bass player for the band The Ascent (And Decline) Of Terrion. Yay for me... We're from Ohio. Yay for us... www.theascentofterrion.com Be our friend on MySpace

09-10-2005, 03:27 PM
TheBig3KilledMyRainDog Maybe I can keep this one Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Bostonia Posts: 3,830	I still write, but as it stands, this was posted in hopes to get people to keep submiting, its been mentioned to me that my comments and therefore writing philosophy is not very good. I got a PM on that one. I never submit works. __________________ “The night falls gracefully for those who have a love to call their own. But alas, for those to whom love has turned a blind eye – love, it falls like a guillotine” “No more waiting for fate to befall me, no. I have my dreamboat, and together we will find our destiny, choose our ladder to the sky” - Markus Pierson