sleepy jack

How I Love The Time We Spend In These Worlds Only You And I Can Find.

I'm watching you dance in front of a movie screen,
The glow and characters moving all over your skin,
And I switch views between you and your shadow,
And wonder which is more real, the dark or the glow,
But its the reel running through your skin I know
That will bring the film home, and lay it on the screen,
And show a beauty for all the world to see.

I don't know why I focus so hard on the waltzing
Silhouette behind you, or the running of a story
Across your skin, I guess sometimes
Its hard to meet your eyes and see the shine
In those blue skies, and knowing you think i'm
The one to love, but i'm scared of rain days,
Clouds and eventually fucking up.

So i'm not sure why i'm so scared to take you off
Your stage and lay you down in this grass with me,
But you see theres all these seconds thoughts
Will this grass cause us to itch in an hours time?
I don't know but sometimes its hard to leave
This black and gray place i've been known to call home,
But its getting hard to keep you at arms length,
When your arms are the only place I hide.

But I guess through all these midnight talks,
I'm learning to trust in you and were new now,
And theres only air and lead between our lips,
But when we kiss the gold came out,
And we felt it sink beneath our skin,
All the riches of the world between us,
As we lay suspended in this moment,
Tied by a kiss and knotted with a promise,
That nothing till now has ever felt this real.

__________________
I'm not blind, I believe in you.

Trauma

, knowing you think**?

off
Your**?

there's all these second thoughts**

cause us**


The imagery in the first stanza is amazing, I swear, I love the part about the film.
After the first stanza it becomes a little cliche, "blue skies", "fucking up".
The rhyme of strength and length was strange somehow, it didn't seem to add any extra rhyme, just stuck out of the flow like a sore thumb.
The imagery and resolution in the last stanza was also amazing, it felt really good as the pinnacle of the poem.
Overall, I liked it, but know you can write better.

If this is the one where you said you were messing around, I understand.

__________________

sleepy jack

Yeah, alot of the stuff lately has more been me expanding what I can do with imagery this being one of them. I think i'm going to focus on that more, I can rhyme well at all.

/goes to fix

__________________
I'm not blind, I believe in you.