The English Football Thread (American, quote)

**Urban Hatemonger** · 05-12-2006, 06:24 PM

Found this on Football365.com

Young Theo Walcott: A Tabloid Guide

Isn't it amazing that people who are born later are actually younger? That's the gist of the tabloids' coverage of Theo Walcott's call-up to the World Cup squad. To save them the trouble, we've written a Theo guide...

1) When silly Gareth Southgate missed that fateful penalty back in Euro 1996, Theo's dad, 47, was at INFANT SCHOOL!

2) Teammate Gary Neville is old enough to be his DAD (in Blair's Britain where one in two 14-year-olds are fathers).

3) By the time Theo is the same age as the squad's oldest member David James, footballers will have been replaced by super-intelligent ROBOTS that can hover in the AIR!!

4) Theo's pretty girlfriend Melanie Slade is not yet old enough to be officially leered over by us...but the clock's ticking.

5) Theo's not old enough to DRINK, VOTE or have ANAL SEX...

6) ...but he is young enough to wear a HOODY, become OBESE from his school dinners or be preyed upon by one of Britain's eight million PAEDOS.

7) When Michael Owen was the same age as Theo, a pint of beer cost a shilling, a family's weekly shop cost 65p and SMALLPOX killed one infant in three.

8) Theo will need an interpreter with him at England squad meetings - he is unfamiliar with standard English and communicates only via TEXT message, podcast and MOBILE ringtones (which you can buy via our website).

9) When captain David Beckham was fathering his first child, Theo's BALLS hadn't even dropped!!

10) When Sven-Goran Eriksson was born, Theo WASN'T!!!

**right-track** · 05-17-2006, 12:39 PM

Good Luck Arsenal.

adidasss · 05-17-2006, 01:41 PM

fuck!!
c'mon on Barcelona!!! you can do it ( for fuck sake, they've got one more player! )

adidasss · 05-17-2006, 03:36 PM

ahhh...for a minute there i thought they weren't gonna do it....i'm well pleased....up yours england!!

**right-track** · 05-17-2006, 03:46 PM

You are a sad twat aren't you Marijan.

You reduce yourself to being a Spaniard by proxy, because Croatian league football is shite.

To send a goalie off in the first 15 minutes of a European Cup Final...stinks.

Now I'm no Arsenal fan, but surely the ref could have allowed the goal to stand and leave the keeper on the pitch. Euro conspiracy. A fucking disgrace.

It's an act of war.

Stu · 05-17-2006, 04:01 PM

being an arsenal fan...i want to destroy that referee.

**Urban Hatemonger** · 05-17-2006, 04:02 PM

Arsenal did pretty well to say it was 10 vs 12

adidasss · 05-17-2006, 04:03 PM

oh give me a break, the rules are the ruels, he tackled the man with a clear shot for a goal....a clear cut case of a red card if i ever saw one and i don't think anyone can contest that...

**right-track** · 05-17-2006, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Urban Hatemonger

Arsenal did pretty well to say it was 10 vs 12

13 if that Barcelona shirt wearing linesman had been allowed to officiate.

Stu · 05-17-2006, 04:05 PM

you can contest it when the ball ends up in the back of the net anyway. Ever heard of a concept called "playing advantage?" seems to happen everywhere else on the pitch so why not there? it was a european cup final for gods sake, a bit of intelligence would of gone down well.

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05-12-2006, 06:24 PM
Urban Hatemonger Groovy Hate F*ck Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Nuuk , Greenland Posts: 9,416	Found this on Football365.com Young Theo Walcott: A Tabloid Guide Isn't it amazing that people who are born later are actually younger? That's the gist of the tabloids' coverage of Theo Walcott's call-up to the World Cup squad. To save them the trouble, we've written a Theo guide... 1) When silly Gareth Southgate missed that fateful penalty back in Euro 1996, Theo's dad, 47, was at INFANT SCHOOL! 2) Teammate Gary Neville is old enough to be his DAD (in Blair's Britain where one in two 14-year-olds are fathers). 3) By the time Theo is the same age as the squad's oldest member David James, footballers will have been replaced by super-intelligent ROBOTS that can hover in the AIR!! 4) Theo's pretty girlfriend Melanie Slade is not yet old enough to be officially leered over by us...but the clock's ticking. 5) Theo's not old enough to DRINK, VOTE or have ANAL SEX... 6) ...but he is young enough to wear a HOODY, become OBESE from his school dinners or be preyed upon by one of Britain's eight million PAEDOS. 7) When Michael Owen was the same age as Theo, a pint of beer cost a shilling, a family's weekly shop cost 65p and SMALLPOX killed one infant in three. 8) Theo will need an interpreter with him at England squad meetings - he is unfamiliar with standard English and communicates only via TEXT message, podcast and MOBILE ringtones (which you can buy via our website). 9) When captain David Beckham was fathering his first child, Theo's BALLS hadn't even dropped!! 10) When Sven-Goran Eriksson was born, Theo WASN'T!!! __________________

05-17-2006, 12:39 PM
right-track Avin' It! Join Date: May 2005 Location: THE PEOPLES ЯEPUBLIK ФF MAИCUИIA Posts: 5,055	Good Luck Arsenal. __________________ Choose Liverpool. Choose the dole queue. Choose to scam disability benefit. Choose mind-numbing, grinding efficiency over flair. Choose Torben Piechnik, Istvan Kozma and Paul Stewart. Choose not to win a single league title since the backpass rule was implemented. Choose penalties. Choose car stereos, hubcaps and stanley knives. Choose to trade on your proud sense of tradition and then not lift a finger in protest when two American billionaires who don't even know the name of your club decide to buy it. Choose to win the European Cup whilst only having to play seven matches. Choose to bask in a perpetual, sickening, media love-in. Choose celebrities who ** off out of your city as soon as they have earned the money to do so and then spend the rest of their lives harping on about how wonderful it is. Choose to sing about Munich until confronted with your own tragedy. Choose to end it all in an orgy of self pity, just another excuse to perpetuate the grief culture spawned by your selfish, insular **ed-up excuse for a city. Choose your future. Choose Scouse.

05-17-2006, 01:41 PM
adidasss deadbeat Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Croatia Posts: 4,500	fuck!! c'mon on Barcelona!!! you can do it ( for fuck sake, they've got one more player! ) __________________

05-17-2006, 03:36 PM
adidasss deadbeat Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Croatia Posts: 4,500	ahhh...for a minute there i thought they weren't gonna do it....i'm well pleased....up yours england!! __________________

05-17-2006, 03:46 PM
right-track Avin' It! Join Date: May 2005 Location: THE PEOPLES ЯEPUBLIK ФF MAИCUИIA Posts: 5,055	You are a sad twat aren't you Marijan. You reduce yourself to being a Spaniard by proxy, because Croatian league football is shite. To send a goalie off in the first 15 minutes of a European Cup Final...stinks. Now I'm no Arsenal fan, but surely the ref could have allowed the goal to stand and leave the keeper on the pitch. Euro conspiracy. A fucking disgrace. It's an act of war. __________________ Choose Liverpool. Choose the dole queue. Choose to scam disability benefit. Choose mind-numbing, grinding efficiency over flair. Choose Torben Piechnik, Istvan Kozma and Paul Stewart. Choose not to win a single league title since the backpass rule was implemented. Choose penalties. Choose car stereos, hubcaps and stanley knives. Choose to trade on your proud sense of tradition and then not lift a finger in protest when two American billionaires who don't even know the name of your club decide to buy it. Choose to win the European Cup whilst only having to play seven matches. Choose to bask in a perpetual, sickening, media love-in. Choose celebrities who ** off out of your city as soon as they have earned the money to do so and then spend the rest of their lives harping on about how wonderful it is. Choose to sing about Munich until confronted with your own tragedy. Choose to end it all in an orgy of self pity, just another excuse to perpetuate the grief culture spawned by your selfish, insular **ed-up excuse for a city. Choose your future. Choose Scouse.

05-17-2006, 04:01 PM
Stu Be like a squirrel Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: London, England Posts: 3,134	being an arsenal fan...i want to destroy that referee. __________________ This is me. http://www.myspace.com/limbodwelling Good evening i unzipped my skin thankfully unscrewed my head exactly as i always do when i prepare myself for bed and while i slept this co-co came as naked as could be he put on the skin and screwed on the head that once belonged to me

05-17-2006, 04:02 PM
Urban Hatemonger Groovy Hate F*ck Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Nuuk , Greenland Posts: 9,416	Arsenal did pretty well to say it was 10 vs 12 __________________

05-17-2006, 04:03 PM
adidasss deadbeat Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Croatia Posts: 4,500	oh give me a break, the rules are the ruels, he tackled the man with a clear shot for a goal....a clear cut case of a red card if i ever saw one and i don't think anyone can contest that... __________________

05-17-2006, 04:05 PM
Stu Be like a squirrel Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: London, England Posts: 3,134	you can contest it when the ball ends up in the back of the net anyway. Ever heard of a concept called "playing advantage?" seems to happen everywhere else on the pitch so why not there? it was a european cup final for gods sake, a bit of intelligence would of gone down well. __________________ This is me. http://www.myspace.com/limbodwelling Good evening i unzipped my skin thankfully unscrewed my head exactly as i always do when i prepare myself for bed and while i slept this co-co came as naked as could be he put on the skin and screwed on the head that once belonged to me