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slappyjenkins · 12-01-2012, 07:36 PM

Vegangelica, I have been pouring over your thread here. Gonna take a while! I knew that you were intellectual, just not to what degree!

It's interesting that some of your last posts (poetry and songs) here have been about breakups and making it on your own and loving someone that is destined never to be or never to last.

I trust your opinion explicitly so would you critique this poem for me? I also left this in Kelli's introduction thread to see if she would critique it.

This poem is the spontaneous production of realizing that the girl I was seeing was simply someone that I could never be with. The relationship had a lot of the elements you speak about(with OCD and high demands and slight things turning into wars). And it was such a powerful environment that I found myself in that this poem forced its way out. It really is one of those things that came streaming out of me all in one line, one sitting and birthed itself on the paper. We broke up the next week.

---
paths that never meet

Winding winding winding
at times so close
but destined never to meet

There is a path made for you
And one made for me

Around and over and back and still
winding through the trees
and winding through the hills

Two seperate lives
going their seperate ways

Sharing only memories
If only for today

I think our paths meet
on the road up ahead
But they are once again
diverging instead

Maybe this is all we'll ever be
two seperate paths
that never quite meet
----
edit: this had a powerful effect on her because we were TOGETHER when I wrote this and I showed it to her and I think it was the clearest indication that our relationship simply was not what we thought it was, it wasn't even a lie, it simply was nothing, two seperate people with problems that would have never gotten it together....tragic huh....

Anyway my friend, you keep your head up always. You have impressed me greatly just from your thoughtful responses and your kind soul.

12-01-2012, 07:36 PM	#331 (permalink)
slappyjenkins Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2012 Posts: 214	Vegangelica, I have been pouring over your thread here. Gonna take a while! I knew that you were intellectual, just not to what degree! It's interesting that some of your last posts (poetry and songs) here have been about breakups and making it on your own and loving someone that is destined never to be or never to last. I trust your opinion explicitly so would you critique this poem for me? I also left this in Kelli's introduction thread to see if she would critique it. This poem is the spontaneous production of realizing that the girl I was seeing was simply someone that I could never be with. The relationship had a lot of the elements you speak about(with OCD and high demands and slight things turning into wars). And it was such a powerful environment that I found myself in that this poem forced its way out. It really is one of those things that came streaming out of me all in one line, one sitting and birthed itself on the paper. We broke up the next week. --- paths that never meet Winding winding winding at times so close but destined never to meet There is a path made for you And one made for me Around and over and back and still winding through the trees and winding through the hills Two seperate lives going their seperate ways Sharing only memories If only for today I think our paths meet on the road up ahead But they are once again diverging instead Maybe this is all we'll ever be two seperate paths that never quite meet ---- edit: this had a powerful effect on her because we were TOGETHER when I wrote this and I showed it to her and I think it was the clearest indication that our relationship simply was not what we thought it was, it wasn't even a lie, it simply was nothing, two seperate people with problems that would have never gotten it together....tragic huh.... Anyway my friend, you keep your head up always. You have impressed me greatly just from your thoughtful responses and your kind soul. Last edited by slappyjenkins; 12-01-2012 at 07:46 PM.