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Originally Posted by Sequoioideae
My depression is starting to act up again, I don't know why, but I've been thinking about just offing myself a lot more than I usually do. I'm just working and sleeping, I haven't had sex in 2 years, and I haven't been on a date in about 2 years. I'm going crazy seeing all my friends have fun with their lives, and I'm here alone, in bed. I wish I wasn't alive so I could spare myself, and others all of my bullshit. I've flat out tried to make people hate me when I'm hysterical, but they just look at me crazy. Just let me die, please, I'll be happier dead than living the next 20 years of my life alone and possibly working in a grocery store. Why don't people try to encourage others to commit suicide, especially when they've been unhappy most of their lives? They just let them exist in a pit of total unhappiness, but the moment they try and do anything to end it they just tell them to seek help and that it's wrong. They don't care about me, they only care because someone they know will be dead, and death is "scary". If someone wants to die so badly, why not let them end it to spare them of any more suffering?
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There was a boy who I knew from school who took his own life a couple of weeks ago, and I don't think he realised how many people actually cared about him and enjoyed having him in their lives. I don't think the reason people don't encourage suicide to others is because they're scared of death, I think it's because they don't want to lose them from their lives. (
Community devastated by death of teenager Eddie Pearse who was hit by train at Winchester (From Hampshire Chronicle))
I've had quite a bit of what I'm pretty sure is depression since the wonderful event that was puberty, but I'm starting to think it might just be because I'm doing pretty much the same thing every day. It seems to go away when I have quite a big change in my life (eg. moving from school to college, or starting to learn to play guitar), so maybe you need to make a large change in your life. Quit your job, move to a different town? Or learn to play a new instrument or join a new band and play some gigs? I find the feeling of playing on stage to be a real buzz, even if it's just in some dingy pub. Do some things that make you feel alive. I'm not going to say "try and take your mind off the depression" because I know that's only a short term solution. But if your friends don't understand what you're going through, find some new friends. It is never too late to change your life and start afresh somewhere new.