Lollygaggers! Chair moisteners! Air wasters!
Look at the pathetic amount of updates, and after I warned you last week.
Well, you can't say I'm not a fair man; you were given ample opportunity to pull your socks up, and now you will reap the whirlwind of the wrath of Monty Burns!
Very well then: I wish to announce the following redundancies, which I will read in alphabetical order:
Simpson, Homer.
That is all.
What's that you say? You don't even
keep a journal? You don't know what a journal
is? Oh don't worry: you can take your journal with you. Nobody will take your precious
journal from you! Now get out!
Attention, remaining salary gobblers! You have now seen I am
not a man to be trifled with. I warn you to take heed, or end up like ... like ... Smithers? Ah yes. Like Homer Thompson. What? Oh yes, of course, silly me. Homer
Simpson. What
is it Simpson? Yes, we
will require that you remove all the fillings you had on the Plant dental plan before you leave. See our company doctor before you leave.
Now, as I was saying, this is your last chance. Straighten up and fly right, or feel the strength of my glower power! Journal writers? You can't
write journals! No journal writers, you! Bah! I deride your journal writing abilities! Oh well, then, prove me wrong, I
do encourage you. (Not bloody likely!)
Oh, to Hades with it then! Let's get on with wading through this sub-standard collection of crayon scrawls and desperate cries for help, see if you quill monkeys have actually managed to write anything that might be of vague interest to anyone...
It would appear this Batlord chap is into the louder music, I believe they call it Hard Steel? No, that's not it, Smithers, what is it? What do you mean, you're into jazz? Well yes, but this is called something like ... Weighty Iron? Heavy Metal? Something like that anyway. At any rate, if you find yourself stuck in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ite-about.html you'll find him with his nose stuck in some book or other about this noisy stuff, and doing his best to write about it.
Asmus Tietchen (isn't that the square in China where that delightful tank rolled over that hippy student? No? Ah.) Well apparently this is
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...cking-out.html, if you feel so inclined. That young Mozart chap is a little too experimental for me.
The Magic Flute? Disgusting. Also, strangely arousing ... Ahem! Well, if you career-dodgers want to "check out" what this (Smithers! Hold those air quotes up higher! They can't see them!) this couch occupier considers music, then I'll be damned if I'm going to stop you. Bah.
Oh look, Smithers! We have a new amoeba in the gene pool! Well well, come on in, Pat Monahan's Hairy Chest (?) and
do display your efforts.
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...absurdity.html. Yes, a weighty, if rather obnoxious title for a journal no doubt to be filled with weighty, obnoxious music. Pygmy Lush? Zhrine? Looks like I was right. Bah! Next!
Looks like it's up to Trollheart as usual to take up the slack! Such a hard working author, and a beautiful man, too.
In his many journals this week we find him finishing up with the Bowie chap for now and moving on to Thin Lizzy. Oh, capital idea! Leave one dead guy behind and concentrate on another bunch of dead – what? They're not? Lynott only? Well, we can soon fix that with a simple phone call, can't we? Smithers, update their Wikipedia page:
"cause of death: got in my way.” If you wish to read about their off-key caterwauling it's here
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...d-journal.html and meanwhile in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...i-reviews.html there's Soul Asylum, Antimatter and .. Evergrey? Smithers, who
are these people? Well find out. These Antimatter fellows sound like they could be very useful in my plant. Oh look, Smithers! After your (hahahaha!) antics as a cowboy last week, he's introducing a series of Western films in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ox-office.html, beginning with Clint Eastwood in a movie whose title I can get right behind:
Unforgiven. And
Evil Roy Slade sounds like my sort of chap too! Excellent! Oh look! He's resurrected
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ver-heard.html with Sinatra, Michael Jackson and Lou Reed. Never heard of any of them. Apart from Sinatra of course.
What? Michael Jackson? Black, eh? Affirmative action? You mean, me telling someone "Yes that's affirmative: you're fired!"? No? Then what
do you mean..?
Ah yes, and some drunken tomfoolery in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-endeavor.html. Capital.
Now then, Smithers, I believe Trollheart left us some instructions. The envelope, if you please. No, that's all right: I'm sure I can –
ummh! - it can't defeat ....
urrrggh! ... me ...
grumpph! --- how hard can it be ---
arrrrgghh! Ah, blast it to Hell man!
You open it! Feels like it's been sealed with superglue! What? How did you open it so – never mind. What does it say?
Hmm.
If there are less than six members updating in any week, ignore “Post of the Week”, “Workhorse of the Week” and “Funny Post of the Week”. Very well then: let's check. Apart from Trollheart himself that's, um, four. So then. No need for all that nonsense. What's left? Ah, he's scribed some missive for us to show on the old magic lantern, yes? Roll it there, Smithers! And don't be stingy with the film! Thirty -
no, thirty-
two millimetres! Let's push the boat out, shall we?