Oriphiel

Hold on a second... Yorkedaddy doesn't even post anymore, does he? I think he became one of those guys that pops up every now and then to say how pathetic everyone on MB is, and yet constantly lurks on the site anyway, somehow making him even more pathetic than us (if that's even possible). Well, whatever. How about...


Fuck! He's doing that annoying stalker shit too! God damn it, I don't mind writing shitty stories, but I'll be damned if they're not at least relevant and current shitty stories. Oh, oh! Wait! I got it!


It was a hot, summer Friday night. Everyone was getting laid. Even Batlord. Spencer was in his room, multiplying as usual, when suddenly... suddenly, he...

Fucking hell. I can't do this. It's too easy.

Gah! Why do all the interesting members have to be banned, or lurking in the shadows of MB whilst wearing a trenchcoat and covertly masturbating to our posts? Fuck it, I'm just gonna wing it.


So Goofle and elphenor were making out in the locker room, when suddenly Frownland strode in, wiping a towel across his forehead. "My," said Frownland, "that was quite a game of Sports."

Goofle and elphenor quickly pushed themselves away from each other, and pretended that they were having an argument, so that their secret love would not be uncovered. "Socialism!" yelled Goofle.

"Capitalist Stockholm Syndrome!" retorted elphenor.

Frownland chuckled. "Oh, you two rascals. Always at it."

As Frownland turned from them to open his locker, Goofle reached out and tried to hold the hand of elphenor, who hurriedly swatted his savacious paw away. "Later," he whispered.

"So," said Frownland, as he took off his sweaty clothing and replaced it with his trademark assless jumpsuit, "how comes it that thou doth fight in the locker room, of all places? Dost thou also partake in Sports? I never knew either of thee as an athlete."

elphenor was about to speak, but held his tongue. Though he wanted to, he could not tell Frownland the truth; that the musky scent of man that oft dwells in the locker room was an elixir of vigor for him and the object of his forbidden love. Sensing his mental distress, Goofle cleared his throat, and answered "Uh, yeah, we were just shooting some touchdowns. How 'bout you?"

Frownland laughed heartily. "Yes, indeed, I did partake in my fair share of Sports. However, I must admit, that much of the sweat that doth sparkle on my supple brow came from the celebratory post-game donkey show."

"Uh," stammered elphenor, "you didn't fuck a donkey, did you?"

Frownland laughed, and shook his head. "No! Of course I didn't fuck the donkey!" After elphenor and Goofle sighed, Frownland added "I was the donkey!"

After a moment of silence, Goofle shot elphenor a meaningful glance, as if to say 'Let's get out of here'. elphenor nodded lightly, and turned back to Frownland, saying "Oh, hey, yeah, that's great. Anyway, we've got to get going. We've got a... uh, picnic to get to. So, uh... bye."

Just as elphenor and Goofle were heading for the door, Frownland shot out a multitude of super stretchy extra arms from his torso, placing them on the shoulders of the two lovers and keeping them from leaving. He then slid over to them, and put his face quite close to elphenor's ear. "Did you say... a picnic?" he whispered/asked (or whasked, if you will).

"Uh..." replied elphenor.

Frownland smiled, his soft breath feeling very hot on elphenor's neck. "Because I love... picnics... and I would love to join you." He then parted his lips, and the unspeakable thing that lives in the darkest recesses of his soul slid a tentacle out of his mouth, which embraced elphenor's neck. elphenor glanced down at the tentacle, and saw the names of those whose souls had been claimed by Frownland engraved upon it in glowing letters.

UH..." replied elphenor.

Looking over at elphenor, and sensing the terrible danger he was in, Goofle quickly said "Yes! You should join us! It'll be great!"

Suddenly, Frownland was back in front of his locker, as if nothing had happened. Looking touched and surprised, he put a hand to his chest. "Aw, you want me to come with you? That's so sweet! Just gimme a sec to do my hair, and then we shall away."

By and by, the trio made their way to the lush forests of "Political Discussions For Adults". However, to their horror, they saw that Chula had once again burned it to the ground. They were about to complain about their foul luck, when all three remembered that they had bought matches and lighter fluid for Chula not five minutes earlier, for the laughs. Shrugging, the three wandered about for a bit, looking for a good spot for their picnic, when they settled on the sunny side of a quaint hill. "Ah, yes!" moaned Frownland as he stretched in the sunlight, and looked down at MB valley from his point of vantage. Taking in a deep breath of fresh air, he felt a song in his heart and an orexis in his cock as he was filled with vigor. Goofle and elphenor decided to just go with it, and began unpacking food.

The picnic was proceeding nicely, when all of a sudden Frownland lowered his sandwich, and glanced around like a gazelle that had just caught wind of something new. 'No,' thought Frownland, 'not new... that is the scent of something old.'

In a flash, a mysterious beast came crashing down on the picnic, and knocked the trio away as it began to greedily devour their food. "The fuck?!" yelled Goofle, as he tumbled down the hill with elphenor. Thinking fast, Goofle quickly scooped elphenor into his arms, protecting him from the various rocks along the hill as they both rolled onward. elphenor was moved by the display, and thought it was quite sweet, until he felt that the situation had given Goofle an erection, and then it was just kinda awkward.

Doing a sick somersault, Frownland landed on his feet, and looked up at the beast that had so rudely interrupted his outdoor adventure. To his horror, he realized that the monster was quite familiar to him. Narrowing his eyes, he looked into the eyes of the beast, and smiled. It was a gigantic robotic ant, with angry eyes and huge pincher pincer mandible thingies. "Well, well," said Frownland, as he pulled his mod squad emergency cell phone out of his jumpsuit. "Looks like JWB is finally back, and he brought his Alt-Ants." Putting on some sunglasses, just so he could take them off dramatically, he added "Looks like it's time to call... the exterminators."

To be continued in Part Two, coming the Spring of yesterday

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