The Batlord

Florida's Finest: Iced Earth

Iced Earth are the apex of cheese-that-does-not-suck in metal. They are goofy as all ****ing **** but also kick immense amounts of ass. Metallica-meets-Iron-Maiden is the intention and Metallica-meets-Iron-Maiden is what is absolutely achieved.

I believe this is the first Iced Earth song I ever listened to and as a teenager it was the absolute ****. It's a version of a song from their second album with another vocalist's track slapped on, and even if the band didn't actually rerecord the song it still ****s on the original. The band's first two albums were perfectly cool, especially the second (from which this hails), but they had meh vocalists that weighed them down. Enter Matt Barlow on album #3 when Iced Earth became the band they always should have been. Too bad they'd already recorded the album they always should have with a lame singer. So even if we can't have Night of the Stormrider with Matt Barlow, at least he threw down on this track and a few others from that album.



You want a song that beats all the ass while still embodying everything that is theatrical about Iced Earth? Here you go. Burnt Offerings was the most metal, most aggressive, most intricate album they ever released with their best vocalist, and so while it is not their most consistent album (being a transition album) it is their most awesome when it's firing on all cylinders. The title track is the definitive Iced Earth song as far as I'm concerned.



This is the cheesiest, most overwrought metal ballad that ever hit the mark like a sniper's bullet afaic. I always end up thinking of my best friend and wondering what I'd do if he died in a car crash or something and I get hella choked up and I don't care who knows it.



This is from a concept album about the comic book character Spawn. Making a concept album about a comic book is already ridiculous, but if you know anything about Spawn, or better yet if you've read the comics or seen the HBO cartoon then you will know that this is hilariously ridiculous... cause Spawn is kind of terrible... in the best way... and I'm sure Iced Earth didn't realize this. Thank god the band created one of the best pop metal albums of all-time in the process, and this song is an earworm that will invade you like the serpent's apple.



The end of that Spawn album is also a career highlight. It's more introspective (and therefore more gloriously cheesy), and closes out an awesomely maudlin album in the most awesomely maudlin way ever with corny balladry juxtaposed with a bunch of bitchin' metal chuggin' and then just chuck in faux-female choir vocals for the chorus cause why the **** not, this album wasn't absurd enough yet. God I love Iced Earth.



They wanted to make their own "Rime of the Ancient Mariner". That's pretty clearly the entire point of this song. It's not quite that song, but **** me this is still one of the best metal songs ever. It's got a solid narrative, kicks ass all throughout, goes through movements that flow well, and the ending is just balls out amazing.

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