OH, I've only now just read your experiences growing up. I would like to add my sorrow for what you went through, tell you you've come through it a better person, and, if you don't mind, tell you of mine, which were not as bad but still harrowing.
I get the impression (I may be wrong) that your father was a bully and people could see it? Big man? Tough, hard drinkin', maybe military? One of the lads? Awful. ****ing awful thing to go through. However mine was the opposite. A skinny, weedy, non-drinker who found fault with everything, someone who could smile at you as he cut your throat, figuratively. A small, petty man who had always to be right and who abused my two sisters (a fact we only found out much much later) and gave my mother a terrible time. The kind of hypocritical bastard who could, literally, be strangling mam in the bedroom, hear a ring at the doorbell and trot down the stairs ****ING WHISTLING, have a calm conversation with whoever was at the door, go back upstairs and beat her again.
Pointless to say which is worse: there's no need for comparisons, but I just wanted you to know you have someone here who understands a little of what you went through, and if I gained anything from my father it was to live my life in exactly the opposite way to how he did; if ever I feel I'm becoming like him or doing something he would do, I reverse course immediately.
He eventually ****ed off and we were so much happier, like a cloud had been lifted. Mam had to work three jobs to support us (and we were mostly ungrateful bastards, but that's Irish boys for you) but she passed almost 30 years ago, he only did us all the courtesy of getting the **** off this planet about two or three years ago. Nobody missed him. Nobody. In the world. I believe his funeral was the tiniest ever, and he only has himself to blame for that.
So stay strong. You came through it, and as long as your father didn't twist up your worldview or cause you to carry on his dark legacy, you'll be all right. If you ever need to talk, hit me up.
Be well. And safe.
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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018
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