Music Banter - View Single Post - A Journey Through The Mind of a Loner: A Kiiii Story

Key · 01-29-2021, 05:29 PM

Update: 01/29/2021

Depression. Anxiety. Stress. Uncontrollable.

These past 2 years, or so, have been a real test to not only my mental health, but my sanity as well. I've talked countlessly about how at some point I need to talk to somebody, but in the mean time, I'm choosing to put my emotions elsewhere to at least cope with what's been going on.

So...what's been going on? Well, simply put, things are not good. Late 2020, I went out with this girl for a few days, and although we knew each of us felt strongly about each other, it was decided that we were going to stay friends. I'm cool with that. I don't hold grudges. People should feel comfortable with what they want and how they want to live their life, and I can't be the controlling type in that situation. I never have been. But yeah, it hurt. You get the feeling that you were meant to be with someone, and despite both feeling the same way, realistically it just wasn't going to work. We could have made it work, but our friendship has gotten stronger as a result. And that to me is perfectly good. I'm happy with that. at least I didn't lose a strong connection with someone. So yeah, that sucked. But we're best friends now so it worked out. Who knows what the future holds.

Now, around January of this year, I was given the news that both my dad and my grandma have cancer. This is the 3rd time for my dad, different case. I think he'll be fine because he's strong and can fight anything thrown his way. The worry is my grandma. She's got cancer in the bladder area, and the tumor is not at all in a comfortable state. They attempted surgery, and while the surgery was somewhat successful, the tumor was not removed. Knowing this, my grandma will be going through chemo to decrease the size of the tumor. They told us it would have been detrimental to her health if they were to remove it. Yeah, that sucks. But doctors are smart. I trust them.

My dad, while it's not the worst of the two, still has to go through the same process he's been through before. Chemo, surgery, etc. However, as opposed to the first two times, they said the risk of him having half his face paralyzed is an enormous possibility. We are hoping it doesn't happen, but it very well could.

My mind and soul have taken a real beating, and my anxiety and depression have peaked. I'm still smoking, and I'm trying to quit. But it's hard with everything going on.

My friends have been super supportive but unfortuantely, this is something I should handle on my own. But I know I need help.

01-29-2021, 05:29 PM	#246 (permalink)
Key . Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 13,153	Update: 01/29/2021 Depression. Anxiety. Stress. Uncontrollable. These past 2 years, or so, have been a real test to not only my mental health, but my sanity as well. I've talked countlessly about how at some point I need to talk to somebody, but in the mean time, I'm choosing to put my emotions elsewhere to at least cope with what's been going on. So...what's been going on? Well, simply put, things are not good. Late 2020, I went out with this girl for a few days, and although we knew each of us felt strongly about each other, it was decided that we were going to stay friends. I'm cool with that. I don't hold grudges. People should feel comfortable with what they want and how they want to live their life, and I can't be the controlling type in that situation. I never have been. But yeah, it hurt. You get the feeling that you were meant to be with someone, and despite both feeling the same way, realistically it just wasn't going to work. We could have made it work, but our friendship has gotten stronger as a result. And that to me is perfectly good. I'm happy with that. at least I didn't lose a strong connection with someone. So yeah, that sucked. But we're best friends now so it worked out. Who knows what the future holds. Now, around January of this year, I was given the news that both my dad and my grandma have cancer. This is the 3rd time for my dad, different case. I think he'll be fine because he's strong and can fight anything thrown his way. The worry is my grandma. She's got cancer in the bladder area, and the tumor is not at all in a comfortable state. They attempted surgery, and while the surgery was somewhat successful, the tumor was not removed. Knowing this, my grandma will be going through chemo to decrease the size of the tumor. They told us it would have been detrimental to her health if they were to remove it. Yeah, that sucks. But doctors are smart. I trust them. My dad, while it's not the worst of the two, still has to go through the same process he's been through before. Chemo, surgery, etc. However, as opposed to the first two times, they said the risk of him having half his face paralyzed is an enormous possibility. We are hoping it doesn't happen, but it very well could. My mind and soul have taken a real beating, and my anxiety and depression have peaked. I'm still smoking, and I'm trying to quit. But it's hard with everything going on. My friends have been super supportive but unfortuantely, this is something I should handle on my own. But I know I need help.