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Old 08-06-2022, 06:55 PM   #2990 (permalink)
Scarlett O'Hara
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Join Date: Oct 2005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guybrush View Post
Ribbons, Jess, you're too sweet I feel like I've made you worry on my behalf and it wasn't my intention. I'm sorry for that.

I'm not familiar with the term ideations (?), but the first time I remember thinking about it was when I was maybe 12-13 years old or so? I was feeling lonely at the time and when I was up on this mountain ledge, I had this thought I could end it and it was strangely comforting. In my late teens, I secretly struggled a lot with anxiety and panic attacks and I was really scared I was going insane. That also made me scared of suicidal thoughts and I just flat out denied my brain from entertaining any such idea. I didn't feel much of it in my 20s, but these thoughts appeared or reappeared when I came into my 30s.
They a similar to the concept of intrusive thoughts. We are not our thoughts and shouldn't punish ourselves for feeling a certain way. The problem in our western society is that emotions like anger, sadness or despair are to be avoided or resisted. I got to my thirty's, finally rejected any indoctrination from growing up around Catholicism and Christianity and got in touch with my spiritual side. There I learned together with my mom that we are to just sit with those thoughts, let them pass on their own. In terms of worrying about being insane, most of us have a variety of ways to cope or think. For me personally it was learning I was not hetero-normative due to having ADD and it's helped me accept myself as myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guybrush View Post
I started to write a bit about what these thoughts mean to me, but reading it back in my mind, it sounded like it could be triggering - which is not what I want AT ALL! So I deleted it. Suffice to say I'm not bothered by my thoughts, only the other stresses in my life. I think I've had a near brush with burnout from work which has been kinda bad for a few years now and it didn't help when our son got blinded on one eye after an accident last Christmas when we all had covid, etc. There's been a couple other things as well, but it's a little more personal than I'd like to share in writing here.
I'm really sorry to hear about your son and all getting covid, what a rough time! No one could go through all that without being affected in some way. I know what you mean about burnout. I think so many people are burnt out but we are forced to work to support ourselves and our family in order to survive. We resist it because it's not healthy for our well being and we miss out on doing what we love or accessing our creative side and learning about unrealised talents. It really is a rat race. Not to be a Debbie downer, however.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guybrush View Post
I deeply appreciate your concern, but will be frank and say I don't wanna see a therapist at the moment and I don't wanna worry my wife or friends about it (including you guys). I'm used to thinking critically about my own thoughts and whipping them into shape when needed so feel like I got a decent handle on it and should be able to recognize it if I need outside help.

Jess, it saddens me to read about your experiences. I hope you are doing well. I also really appreciated your offer, like really really. I don't wanna be a burden to you, but having a friend to talk / message with about some of this junk would be nice. I might pick you up on it
That's absolutely fine, it's your decision and I hope we can chat through things together and you will have me as an impartial friend My zodiac is Cancer which makes us good listeners and caring of others. It's my upmost pleasure to be able to chat with an intelligent being such as yourself.
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