sleepy jack

Its actually more rare for songs to be posted here then poetry, well among the regular posters...

I like it alot, but the ending was kind of eh

I remember when you held my
hand and looked me in the eye.
There was no reason for it,
but you seemed proud of me amoung all the other
emotions there in your eyes.

The repetition of eye kind of takes away from using it again, and i'd personally rework it the first time since the ending is most key. I don't know "I remember when you held my hand and looked at me" might work.

__________________