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Old 09-02-2008, 03:24 PM   #564 (permalink)
Urban Hat€monger ?
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52 : Power Metal

I found myself aged 15/16 listening to a lot of bad metal albums. And yet despite that even at that age , with no taste whatsoever , listening to bad metal albums on a daily basis even I could see just how cheesy this genre was and made sure I kept my distance from it.

What made it even funnier for me was the dourness behind it. These bands took themselves so seriously. I love it how virtually every band has to have a metallic logo , the album covers are just as bad , they have to be metallic also , if not then some fantasy cover and if not that just put loads of fire on it.

I love it how on every power metal album every band photo no matter which band you choose all look identical. All in black jeans , all with long hair , plenty of facial hair , one band member will always be a bit chunkier than the others and because it's a photoshoot they go to a real effort and wear a black sweatshirt with a band logo on it rather than the sweaty black band t shirts they normally wear. And there's no make up or tattoos or weird peircings or pulling silly faces with this lot like you would normally get with your average black metal band, that would be too much like fun. Instead they just sort of stand around looking bored , because they're serious musicians playing serious music. Smiling for the camera is a total no-no , that would compromise your masculinity. I mean , how can you sing about hell , the gods , wars , death , famine & pestilence if your smiling and wearing a purple & green tracksuit.

As for the music , well that's pretty much self explanatory. Lots of dull speedy riffs , long guitar solos , a bass player that's forbidden to do anything remotely interesting and is just back up to the layers and layers of guitar wankery. And the vocals can be pretty much summed up as a Bruce Dickinson wannabe on steroids.

And if your still listening to this stuff after the age of 20 unless it's in an ironic 'Oh my god did I really listen to this , although I still quite like this song' kind of way.....

Get help.
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