Quote:
Originally Posted by aveneficus
all right i suppose i'll throw you a bone here.
i liked this piece as a whole, but i do have a few things to say about it.
The descriptive nature of the story is brilliant in itself, however at some points it drags on a bit too long.
For example:
This paragraph starts out and ends well, but there are just a few too many examples given that it ends up a little dry.
Another suggestion would be to format the piece differently. I realize that it is a short story but it's written incredibly poetically. I might try spacing it differently to display that so that it is read correctly. However, I could be entirely off the mark here.
Anyway, I enjoyed reading this nonetheless and good luck in your endeavors.
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She has very good rhythm though...also she is very good taking an aural photograph of a conversation...like Hemingway in "Hills Like White Elephants". Definitely natural talent here. I write ( non fiction..not sure if I have any talent for fiction or poetry ) for a living so I am especially attentive to fresh voices and stylized approaches to literature. In all honesty I am a tad jealous of her style in fact. I wish I could write creatively and not just analytically.