i thought the song as a whole was decent, nothing really spectacular, but as said before, if sang correctly it could work.
to stray from the common opinion here, i actually thought the first two lines were the best.
as for the rhythm of the snow.. the metaphor could be interpreted differently based on the individual. to some it may be a slow steady rhythm, others it may seem to have no rhythm, which is still symbolizing a lack of order.. etc, etc.
all i'm saying is that metaphors are very useful literary devices, i'm a fan
