Quote:
Originally Posted by Shivs
" Moon Rise "
Summer mornings I wonder
Will you take the time?
Think back now,
Did you love her?
Warm, warm grass now
Slept on a dirt road
Watched the moon rise
Watched the moon fall
Witnessed the birth of sunlight
For your smile, there is no price
Stretch out and begin today
Droplet fluidity,
From your fingers
Fascination now,
Arrives as a thirst
We are, you are
I am in peace
In this current plain of
Infinite release
We'll sleep on a dirt road
Watch the moon rise
Watch it fall once more
We can witness the birth of sunlight
Walk through to many doors
The lyrics to "Moon Rise" are about the feeling of general happiness, feelings you get that can't really be broken by bad thoughts. Ones that take you away from the world, and ones that can pull you out of sadness. I find this feeling with my friends, but more frequently just cruising around on my skateboard by myself, trying to go as fast as I can, and also music. One particular event in which music gave me "the feeling" was while I was listening to Pink Floyds "On the Run" on almost full blast. I can't even describe it. Hopefully everyone here knows what feeling I'm talking about, and has also experienced it.
|
Generally, I don't feel this piece is as strong as some of the others I've read in the past. I'd have to go back and read over some of your pieces, just to make sure.
My favourite part:
Quote:
Slept on a dirt road
Watched the moon rise
Watched the moon fall
|
It reminds me of simplicity. And I think simplicity is the root of happiness.
My least favourite part:
Quote:
Think back now,
Did you love her?
|
After I read this, I skipped the entire poem and skipped to the description at the end. Had I not read that, I wouldn't have finished the poem at all. I don't think it particularly fits.
Well done, overall.