This may be the textbook definition of 'short and sweet.' I don't know if these are lyrics, but I had a little trouble getting it to flow, but that could easily be fixed with music backing it up. Maybe cut down some syllables in the longer lines, like so:
Quote:
Eyes so green
From my sweet dreams. [shortened line] Eyes so round
Shine as moonbeams. [conjoined to previous line to shorten 'shining like' to 'shine as.']
Eyes so pretty.
Loveliest in the city.
Eyes so bright
Like stars gleaming in the night. [used a different word other than 'shining' because it was already used.]
Eyes so soft.
Soft as a spotted doe's. [repeated word twice to shorten line.]
Eyes so tender.
Brings my heart sweet surrender. [maybe use a different word, since 'sweet' was already used?]
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I like the rhyme scheme, or lack of one, I should say. Though aaba is one of my favorites, lol. Songs or poems that don't use the same continuous pattern sometimes don't flow as good, or get repetative. I may have butchered you poem here though, you may have wanted to keep it simpler, as it was. If so, I apologize.