Quote:
Originally Posted by AwwSugar
Personally, this was the only part that I reacted to. Everything else seemed a little bit cliche. It isn't poorly written, though.
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I agree, but that line ran good with 'as fireflies light up the night.'
I notice, Lamar, that you have an attachment to the adjective 'sweet' and the adjective/noun 'light,' as they both exist in your other poem, 'Her Eyes.' Obviously there is also attachment to the topic of love, but in a beautiful way. The only problem I would see with this (since it isn't neseccarily a bad thing) is that words are like swords, and the more you use the same one, the duller it will get. Try to widen up your vocabulary when you write, to keep
all of your words sharp.
I like this one better than 'Her Eyes,' but my only wish is they were longer! Everything in life is too short, I suppose.