Quote:
Originally Posted by Lateralus
This one doesn't have a name, so feel free to suggest one if you can think of one.
I'm overlooking/ the street we used to live
The lofty gum trees/ they always forgive
Birthday parties and broken bones
You left me here with too many unknowns
Im overlooking/ the beach that we called ours
Searing summers/ lying on our towels
Bright blue ocean and golden sand
A love affair with this sunburned land
You said goodbye you left you went away
Would I be different if you were still here today
You said goodbye you left you went away
But Im still here I chose to stay
Im overlooking/ the photos in my head
Backyard cricket/ six if you hit the shed
Football socks and smiling faces
How could you leave, of all places
You said goodbye you left you went away
Would I be different if you were still here today
You said goodbye you left you went away
But Im still here I chose to stay
I was only seventeen
Sneaking out of windows, caught by the fly screen
Do you miss the sun the sea
But most of all...
do you miss me?
You said goodbye you left you went away
Would I be different if you were still here today
You said goodbye you left you went away
But Im still here I chose to stay
You said goodbye you left you went away
Would I be different if you were still here today?
And here's a slightly crappy recording of it, although this was recorded quite a while ago: It's a bit lame and sappy I must admit!
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Hi Lateralus,
I feel your song is lovely...sweet and sentimental (not sappy). I feel there is nothing at all sappy about missing a friend and having emotions about that person and the loss...those are beautiful feelings and much more preferable than when people feel disconnected from, and unaffected by, others.
I just have one recommendation. As I listened to the song I noticed that in the bridge (in bold above) every word in the last three lines was sung using the same note (in other words, this section was monotone):
Quote:
Do you miss the sun the sea
But most of all...
do you miss me?
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I felt myself expecting and wanting some more soaring notes (higher notes) in this bridge section to emphasize it and make it sound distinct from the song's verses and chorus. Still, I feel the song is very nice as it is.
I especially liked this line, "Sneaking out windows, caught by the fly screen," because for me it symbolizes the overall message of the song, which I see as the speaker wanting to be with the friend, but feeling caught through love for the land and for her home, and thus not wanting to leave, even as she sees the friend doing so and she yearns for the past they had together.
Hmm...you asked for title suggestions...the image that sticks in my mind is of the young person pressed up against the screen of her home, watching her friend/loved-one leaving, having the ability to break through the barrier and follow if she wants to, but choosing not to go even though it is hard to be the one left behind. Since the song deals again and again with seeing...both seeing the past and seeing the images and events as if they were happening again, would "View" work as a good title for your song?
--Erica