Quote:
Originally Posted by AwwSugar
I think you created a life for this character wonderfully.
Things I could do without (in bold):
Screaming children almost ruined the near serene/somber setting you made for the first part of the word sketch.
You used "sagged" twice in the word sketch, and it made the second time less sharp.
Otherwise, I really like it, I think.
Well done.
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hmm, screaming children was supposed to give an image of the neighborhood kids playing under the window...screaming. Perhaps it is the wrong word choice, would you have a better suggestion?
Where's the other sagged? maybe im just blind, but i only see it used once :O