not that i am an english professional, but i think even your original sentence is fine. the difference i think is that you wrote it just trying to get an idea across, but we read it as something cute and clever. i love the way people whose english isn't their first language write and say things. it is so endearing. i also have a lot of respect for...well...most of the world for learning multiple languages. being an american, we take a foreign language in school and forget about it as soon as we are done. all i know is english and it really bothers me...
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Confusion will be my epitaph...
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