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Old 05-09-2010, 11:18 AM   #291 (permalink)
Shivs
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Canada
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Hey chard, first off, I'm interested to know why this song is called "Jubilee". Now, onto the lyrics...I think you've got good ideas here, but they just didn't really come out that right. Many of the lines just sound like rhyming, rather than actual flow, or rhythm. An example of this would be

Money is power and who you know
submitting it to the masses is a no no


and

You might cry out for peace of mind
you voted us in thats not what you will find.


I don't know man, I just felt like some of the stanzas felt a bit awkward and underdeveloped. Like I said, though, I like what you're saying, I'm just not too fond of how you're saying it. Work some more on it, would be my advice!
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