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Old 09-09-2010, 07:37 AM   #112 (permalink)
Thrice
أمهاتك[وهور]Aura Euphoria
 
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Florida/Buffalo/CT
Posts: 2,077
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Davey Moore View Post
Well, I don't know if people here would think I'd be a coward, and to a certain extent I really don't give a **** about what people here think of it, especially if they don't have clinical depression, but the only reason I HAVEN'T committed suicide is because of my family. I would never do that to them.

It doesn't help the depression though, and the medicine never helped either. So it's really ****ty living in the state I live in. I've gone to so much therapy, have had so many anti-depressants shoved down my throat, and they usually have a three or four month honeymoon period before it creeps back into my skull, regardless of what I take.

But the thought of living like this for forty or fifty years is terrifying and even more depressing. But I'll keep on for a while.
Same here, I have a family that relies on me to put food on the table. I took out a $250k life insurance policy last month and was just committed last tuesday for a week. Along with what you said, there is a period where life is bearable, then I slowly slip into being overwhelmed and hit rock bottom. If I make it through the low, then its back to square one with the knowledge of what is to come. I have been dual diagnosed with manic depression/bipolar disorder and a substance abuse problem (depressants of all things). I feel that I cant go through with it, so I set myself up for failure. I lead an extremely risky life with no fear or remorse other than bringing hardship and pain upon the people that love me. No one had any idea, until I ended up in the looney bin 8 states away.

I have never cut myself or let anyone know how I felt until just recently because it has come to a point where I feel I cannot handle it alone. I am my own worst enemy. The last thing I want is sympathy/pity or people even knowing how I feel.
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