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Old 09-09-2010, 07:37 AM   #112 (permalink)
أمهاتك[وهور]Aura Euphoria
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Florida/Buffalo/CT
Posts: 2,077

Originally Posted by Davey Moore View Post
Well, I don't know if people here would think I'd be a coward, and to a certain extent I really don't give a **** about what people here think of it, especially if they don't have clinical depression, but the only reason I HAVEN'T committed suicide is because of my family. I would never do that to them.

It doesn't help the depression though, and the medicine never helped either. So it's really ****ty living in the state I live in. I've gone to so much therapy, have had so many anti-depressants shoved down my throat, and they usually have a three or four month honeymoon period before it creeps back into my skull, regardless of what I take.

But the thought of living like this for forty or fifty years is terrifying and even more depressing. But I'll keep on for a while.
Same here, I have a family that relies on me to put food on the table. I took out a $250k life insurance policy last month and was just committed last tuesday for a week. Along with what you said, there is a period where life is bearable, then I slowly slip into being overwhelmed and hit rock bottom. If I make it through the low, then its back to square one with the knowledge of what is to come. I have been dual diagnosed with manic depression/bipolar disorder and a substance abuse problem (depressants of all things). I feel that I cant go through with it, so I set myself up for failure. I lead an extremely risky life with no fear or remorse other than bringing hardship and pain upon the people that love me. No one had any idea, until I ended up in the looney bin 8 states away.

I have never cut myself or let anyone know how I felt until just recently because it has come to a point where I feel I cannot handle it alone. I am my own worst enemy. The last thing I want is sympathy/pity or people even knowing how I feel.

Lew Harrison, who looked like an anarchist with his red eyes and fierce black beard, had been writing furiously in one corner of the room. "That's goodóhappiness by the kilowatt," he said. "Buy your happiness the way you buy light."
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