What's your diagnosis?

major depressive disorder
general anxiety disorder
sleep disorder: insomnia
attention deficit disorder

****.

That's ****ed up, I can empathize. It's a huge issue here in ca too. If you're poor there's no chance of getting the help you need. Sure, you can go to the volunteer-run support groups and take a bunch of pamphlets home but if you're poor you don't have access to therapy, you don't have access to a good psychiatrist that will make sure you're being prescribed the right thing, it's a cliche now but it's easier to walk out of a hospital with opioids than ssri's. Mental health care in America is a privilege you have to pay into.

I pay 20 bucks a session with insurance, IDK how much it is with out but I don't think my insurance is that good. I know a lot of people around here feel the same way because they don't know that this place exists. And I know a lot of people just gave up on it because terrible experiences with past therapists. I had one who would hardly listen and told me that I just expect too much from life. If our medical system were any good I'd have known about all the stuff I'm just learning now on my own a long time ago.

https://apple.news/Ak6aMySGYQ9OnvjIL7L8HFg

***sigh***

Or "unassailable".

Depression has a really nasty card up its sleeve. It can make you not want to heal.

In Calcutta, I walked around the slums near that famous bridge. I watched dozens, maybe hundreds, of crippled kids in all different states of disrepair. I figured out something really horrific. These children with crippling disabilities started off with mendable injuries that went untreated. A simple infection that spread out of control, easily treated with antibiotics waiting for paying patients at clinics and hospitals literally within sight. A limp upsets other joints and muscles eventually permanently. No prosthetics and misuse causing the limbs to be eaten away by misuse and time.

I thought my injuries had been properly healed but now I know that the same kind of deformities were growing in my warped mind. A person can overcome adversity but a child can’t overcome abuse. 40 years later your brain is just 40 years more warped out.

We have more in common than I thought but I have had a problem with sleep walking since I was a kid. I've almost jumped off my two story patio allegedly. I deal with night terrors too. Not nightly but frequently.

You should start sleeping with a GoPro strapped to your head.