Funny/Not Funny

anticipation · 05-31-2007, 02:57 PM

A young couple asked a priest

"Is it okay to have sex before marriage?"

the priest responded

"Not if it delays the ceremony."

Vjay · 09-11-2007, 01:49 PM

Little Sally

Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her face and told her mother.

"Frank Brown showed me his willy today!"

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut"

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, "Really small was it?"

Sally replied, "No...salty!"

Vjay · 10-02-2007, 12:28 PM

Three holy men and a bear
A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher, and a Jewish rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start

~~CAPTAIN CAVEMAN~~ · 10-02-2007, 05:36 PM

heheh.

TheBig3 · 07-11-2011, 08:35 AM

I laughed:

Brilliantly Sarcastic Responses To Completely Well-Meaning Signs | Happy Place

~~Farfisa~~ · 07-11-2011, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBig3

I laughed:

Brilliantly Sarcastic Responses To Completely Well-Meaning Signs | Happy Place

Oh my lord, that "adam west floor" sign had me gasping!

TheBig3 · 07-11-2011, 07:24 PM

Yeah there were some really good ones. For whatever reason, once I got going I couldn't stop. I don't know if thats why I thought "press button. receive bacon" was so funny, but it killed me.

Electrophonic Tonic · 07-11-2011, 07:40 PM

This joke works much better in person. But here's the general idea...

A priest and a rabbi grew up best friends. However, religion has set them apart. So one day, the rabbi calls up and says they should hang out more. They both agree and decide to go camping. Eventually, they're in the forest and the rabbi suggests skinny dipping in the lake, like they used to do as kids. The priest reluctantly agrees and they leave their robes on the shores of the bank. However, soon after a bear steals their clothes and runs away into the forest. In a panic, they jump out of the lake and chase after the bear. They soon come across a group of boys from the church and synagogue. Instantly, the priest covers up his penis and the rabbi covers up his face. The boys stop, take a minute to look at the two men. But they eventually shrug their shoulders and walk away. Confused, the priest asks the rabbi why the boys didn't say anything and the rabbi says "It's because we covered up what our young boys would recognize."

**Janszoon** · 07-11-2011, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBig3

I laughed:

Brilliantly Sarcastic Responses To Completely Well-Meaning Signs | Happy Place

Those are great!

Neapolitan · 07-11-2011, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBig3

I laughed:

Brilliantly Sarcastic Responses To Completely Well-Meaning Signs | Happy Place

I thought it was kinda funny at first he mispelled "receive" you can tell the "e" is over the "i" if you look closely you can see the "e" is blurred and the're two tittles, one over the "i" and the other over the "e" after the "c" - but the joke still works. It was so close to being "Push Button... Recieve Bacon"

09-11-2007, 01:49 PM	#122 (permalink)
Vjay Groupie Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 3	Little Sally Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her face and told her mother. "Frank Brown showed me his willy today!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut" Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, "Really small was it?" Sally replied, "No...salty!" __________________ In life, it matters not how well you dance. what does matter is that you get up and dance.

10-02-2007, 12:28 PM	#123 (permalink)
Vjay Groupie Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 3	Three holy men and a bear A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher, and a Jewish rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation." Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus." The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start __________________ In life, it matters not how well you dance. what does matter is that you get up and dance.

07-11-2011, 08:35 AM	#125 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,172	I laughed: Brilliantly Sarcastic Responses To Completely Well-Meaning Signs \| Happy Place __________________ I've moved to a new address

07-11-2011, 07:24 PM	#127 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,172	Yeah there were some really good ones. For whatever reason, once I got going I couldn't stop. I don't know if thats why I thought "press button. receive bacon" was so funny, but it killed me. __________________ I've moved to a new address

05-31-2007, 02:57 PM	#121 (permalink)
anticipation Music Addict Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 3,565	A young couple asked a priest "Is it okay to have sex before marriage?" the priest responded "Not if it delays the ceremony."

10-02-2007, 05:36 PM	#124 (permalink)
~~CAPTAIN CAVEMAN~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: VAN Posts: 2,530	heheh.

07-11-2011, 07:40 PM	#128 (permalink)
Electrophonic Tonic Your Ad Here Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: The Twilight Zone Posts: 876	This joke works much better in person. But here's the general idea... A priest and a rabbi grew up best friends. However, religion has set them apart. So one day, the rabbi calls up and says they should hang out more. They both agree and decide to go camping. Eventually, they're in the forest and the rabbi suggests skinny dipping in the lake, like they used to do as kids. The priest reluctantly agrees and they leave their robes on the shores of the bank. However, soon after a bear steals their clothes and runs away into the forest. In a panic, they jump out of the lake and chase after the bear. They soon come across a group of boys from the church and synagogue. Instantly, the priest covers up his penis and the rabbi covers up his face. The boys stop, take a minute to look at the two men. But they eventually shrug their shoulders and walk away. Confused, the priest asks the rabbi why the boys didn't say anything and the rabbi says "It's because we covered up what our young boys would recognize."