Stupid things you've done to attract the opposite sex

Queen Boo · 08-24-2011, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Batlord

It's not gonna happen till you stop being so submissive. I have the same problem. I never really speak my mind and I'm easily manipulated, so I generally attract those who are looking for someone to manipulate. In the last couple years I basically had to break off contact with most of my friends because I just realized how shitty they all were.

This is the best advice I've been given in years.

Urban Hat€monger ? · 08-24-2011, 03:24 PM

As we're talking about dates I figure i'll tell you what happened on the one & only what you would call real date I've ever been on which was a blind date set up by my best friend.
Anyway here's what happened.

I'm lazing around at home one Saturday afternoon watching the football results come in to kill time until I go to the pub later that evening. The phone rings and it's my best friend (We'll call him Paul) telling me that there's been a change of plan and we're going to hit the town instead and he asks me if i'm up for it. So I say yes and we arrange to meet at our usual place at our usual time, A French bistro called Dix Neuf where we usually start the evening off with a steak baguette to line our stomachs & a couple of cocktails. Then he says to me 'Sarah's ( His fiancée) coming tonight, oh and look your best tonight'

I knew something was up because he's never told me to make an effort before and Sarah NEVER came out with us, so I got to work picking out my wardrobe.

Jet black crushed velvet jacket (£300) - Check
Tight metallic silver jeans (£100) - Check
The most expensive looking black shirt I could find out of my collection of about 50 black shirts - Check
Biker boots (£175)
Hair looking like somebody just dragged Bobby Gillespie out of bed - Check
I was ready.

So i'm walking into town catching my reflection in a few shop windows and for the first and only time in my entire life I look at myself and think damn I look good. I get to the bistro and I see Paul & Sarah sitting there with big grins on their faces. I sit down and Paul orders me a Jack Daniels & Coke. Paul looks me in the eye & says 'We've got a guest tonight'

He goes on to explain to me that Sarah's best friend was around their house a few days earlier and she noticed a picture of myself & Paul on some hedonistic weekend we had in Amsterdam that he had displayed somewhere in the house and apparently she'd seen this picture of me and had taken a bit of a shine to me and asked if they could set us up to meet, so they did.
I just looked at him, swallowed a mouthful of JD and told him I'd go along with it.

A few minutes later this goth girl with an arse the size of Belgium walks in and Sarah stands up to greet her, Paul just smiles at me while I sit there trying to look enthusiastic and say hello to her. I figure she's not really that unattractive so i'll at least try to give her a good night out if nothing else. Sarah squeals excitedly that today is goth girl's birthday today.

Oh Great!

She sits down, I buy her a drink (because it's her birthday) and she then proceeds to spend the next hour totally ignoring myself and Paul and spends it telling Sarah about some guy she fucked that previous Sunday. I just sit there knocking back more booze while Paul does his best to make it look like he's not laughing at me.

We go to another bar and Paul & Sarah go to chat to a couple of their friends in there leaving me alone with goth girl.
I buy her another drink (Because it's her birthday) and try to start a conversation but it goes nowhere. After 15 minutes of busting a gut trying to find something I have in common with this girl I just give up. It seems the only interests this girl has is reality TV shows, soap operas & drinking, we both sit in silence waiting for Paul & Sarah to come back. When they do we decide to go to another bar. I choose which bar to go next knowing full well that my Sister was out that night and would probably be there.

We get to the other bar and it's jam packed full of people. I use this to lose goth girl and eventually find my sister with all her friends.
One of my sister's friends is a girl called Claire
Claire is really really hot
Claire flirts like hell with me whenever I see her.
They invite me to join them so I get them all a round of drinks and sit down with them for a while, with Claire obviously offering me the seat next to her.
Whenever I talk to Claire she will do 2 things.
She will either put her face about 3 inches in front of mine & look right into my eyes when I talk to her, or if it's somewhere noisy she'll sort of lean into my shoulder, press her body up against me and put her ear so close to my mouth that my lips practically touching it.
We're in a noisy bar so she goes for option 2.
While i'm sitting down there I see goth girl walk past to go to the ladies, she sees me surrounded by about 8 girls all drinking and laughing with the hottest one all but sitting on my lap and looks suitably unimpressed.
She also looks suitably unimpressed on the way back as well.

I see goth girl and Sarah waiting by the door and Paul tells me that we're off to the next bar, So I finish my drink and get up to leave, not before Claire decides to jump up, give me a crushing hug & shower me with kisses on my way out.
We walk silently to the next bar, it's almost empty. The four of us sit there silently drinking, after what seems like forever Paul asks me if i'm up for going to a club, so I say yes.

Goth girl decides that she wants to go home, she hugs Sarah and says goodbye totally blanking myself & Paul. I wish her a happy birthday which was probably the wrong thing to do at this point because it just came across as being the most sarcastic thing I could have ever come out with. She didn't even look back to acknowledge me.
I was drunk & really didn't care by then, Sarah by this point was in a foul mood and then announced abruptly that she was going home too so myself & Paul went to a club and was finally able to laugh out loud at how fucked up and pathetic this whole idea was.

EvilChuck · 08-24-2011, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mankycaaant

Cheers for the read man. Good story.
So, how did the story progress after the first kiss?

Sorry, if you've already posted the answer, but I'm genuinely interested.

Nothing really changed. I still used to hang outside her house talking to her while she leaned out of her window, singing songs that I knew (although I didnt go to the effort of learning new ones) and she'd take me to the park, or to the fields near our road every so often so we could kiss. Eventually she started going out with a boy she went to school with though, and just sort of ignored me completely.

Queen Boo · 08-24-2011, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Urban Hatemonger

I summarized it for you.

Urban Hat€monger ? · 08-24-2011, 03:40 PM

Cheers doll

Mykonos · 08-24-2011, 03:56 PM

I hope you don't mind, but when you mentioned Bobby Gillespie I imagined you as him for the entire story. Not really a bad thing in my eyes.

Urban Hat€monger ? · 08-24-2011, 04:00 PM

hence the tight silver jeans & biker boots

FETCHER. · 08-25-2011, 06:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loose_lips_sink_ships

Well, excuse me for getting to know a girl and then having things develop. Maybe I should change that, it hasn't gotten me much sex lately.

I didn't mean it that way. I meant that only good guys generally make an effort with girls. Which is ofcourse a great thing. I wish I knew more non-douches.

Howard the Duck · 08-25-2011, 06:22 AM

we should start a thread on "things you've done to repulse the opposite sex when you're not interested in them"

i discuss quantum mechanics

edit:- eigenstates - they make a hasty exit after 5 or 6 sentences

Mykonos · 08-25-2011, 06:30 AM

Got one that just happened today: I used to be friendly with a girl in my History lessons who I'm madly attracted to, although she probably doesn't think of us as anything more than History buddies. I saw her today at the results podium and she told me her results, feeling towards them etc. I could have opened mine with her and felt great about being able to have one happy moment with her, but instead I tried to look above it all (probably to try and look good in front of her) and just went 'I'll look at them later'. To make it worse, I woke up this morning with a really croaky throat that made me sound like Tom Waits (which would be amazing if it was permanent, but sadly it's not) so I probably had a squeaky voiced teen trying to sound cool moment in front of her.

08-24-2011, 03:24 PM	#72 (permalink)
Urban Hat€monger ? The Sexual Intellectual Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Somewhere cooler than you Posts: 18,605	As we're talking about dates I figure i'll tell you what happened on the one & only what you would call real date I've ever been on which was a blind date set up by my best friend. Anyway here's what happened. I'm lazing around at home one Saturday afternoon watching the football results come in to kill time until I go to the pub later that evening. The phone rings and it's my best friend (We'll call him Paul) telling me that there's been a change of plan and we're going to hit the town instead and he asks me if i'm up for it. So I say yes and we arrange to meet at our usual place at our usual time, A French bistro called Dix Neuf where we usually start the evening off with a steak baguette to line our stomachs & a couple of cocktails. Then he says to me 'Sarah's ( His fiancée) coming tonight, oh and look your best tonight' I knew something was up because he's never told me to make an effort before and Sarah NEVER came out with us, so I got to work picking out my wardrobe. Jet black crushed velvet jacket (£300) - Check Tight metallic silver jeans (£100) - Check The most expensive looking black shirt I could find out of my collection of about 50 black shirts - Check Biker boots (£175) Hair looking like somebody just dragged Bobby Gillespie out of bed - Check I was ready. So i'm walking into town catching my reflection in a few shop windows and for the first and only time in my entire life I look at myself and think damn I look good. I get to the bistro and I see Paul & Sarah sitting there with big grins on their faces. I sit down and Paul orders me a Jack Daniels & Coke. Paul looks me in the eye & says 'We've got a guest tonight' He goes on to explain to me that Sarah's best friend was around their house a few days earlier and she noticed a picture of myself & Paul on some hedonistic weekend we had in Amsterdam that he had displayed somewhere in the house and apparently she'd seen this picture of me and had taken a bit of a shine to me and asked if they could set us up to meet, so they did. I just looked at him, swallowed a mouthful of JD and told him I'd go along with it. A few minutes later this goth girl with an arse the size of Belgium walks in and Sarah stands up to greet her, Paul just smiles at me while I sit there trying to look enthusiastic and say hello to her. I figure she's not really that unattractive so i'll at least try to give her a good night out if nothing else. Sarah squeals excitedly that today is goth girl's birthday today. Oh Great! She sits down, I buy her a drink (because it's her birthday) and she then proceeds to spend the next hour totally ignoring myself and Paul and spends it telling Sarah about some guy she fucked that previous Sunday. I just sit there knocking back more booze while Paul does his best to make it look like he's not laughing at me. We go to another bar and Paul & Sarah go to chat to a couple of their friends in there leaving me alone with goth girl. I buy her another drink (Because it's her birthday) and try to start a conversation but it goes nowhere. After 15 minutes of busting a gut trying to find something I have in common with this girl I just give up. It seems the only interests this girl has is reality TV shows, soap operas & drinking, we both sit in silence waiting for Paul & Sarah to come back. When they do we decide to go to another bar. I choose which bar to go next knowing full well that my Sister was out that night and would probably be there. We get to the other bar and it's jam packed full of people. I use this to lose goth girl and eventually find my sister with all her friends. One of my sister's friends is a girl called Claire Claire is really really hot Claire flirts like hell with me whenever I see her. They invite me to join them so I get them all a round of drinks and sit down with them for a while, with Claire obviously offering me the seat next to her. Whenever I talk to Claire she will do 2 things. She will either put her face about 3 inches in front of mine & look right into my eyes when I talk to her, or if it's somewhere noisy she'll sort of lean into my shoulder, press her body up against me and put her ear so close to my mouth that my lips practically touching it. We're in a noisy bar so she goes for option 2. While i'm sitting down there I see goth girl walk past to go to the ladies, she sees me surrounded by about 8 girls all drinking and laughing with the hottest one all but sitting on my lap and looks suitably unimpressed. She also looks suitably unimpressed on the way back as well. I see goth girl and Sarah waiting by the door and Paul tells me that we're off to the next bar, So I finish my drink and get up to leave, not before Claire decides to jump up, give me a crushing hug & shower me with kisses on my way out. We walk silently to the next bar, it's almost empty. The four of us sit there silently drinking, after what seems like forever Paul asks me if i'm up for going to a club, so I say yes. Goth girl decides that she wants to go home, she hugs Sarah and says goodbye totally blanking myself & Paul. I wish her a happy birthday which was probably the wrong thing to do at this point because it just came across as being the most sarcastic thing I could have ever come out with. She didn't even look back to acknowledge me. I was drunk & really didn't care by then, Sarah by this point was in a foul mood and then announced abruptly that she was going home too so myself & Paul went to a club and was finally able to laugh out loud at how fucked up and pathetic this whole idea was. __________________ Urb's RYM Stuff Most people sell their soul to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Nick Cave.

08-24-2011, 03:40 PM	#75 (permalink)
Urban Hat€monger ? The Sexual Intellectual Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Somewhere cooler than you Posts: 18,605	Cheers doll __________________ Urb's RYM Stuff Most people sell their soul to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Nick Cave.

08-24-2011, 03:56 PM	#76 (permalink)
Mykonos AWhatup Ganache? Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 381	I hope you don't mind, but when you mentioned Bobby Gillespie I imagined you as him for the entire story. Not really a bad thing in my eyes. __________________ 'Not that Becktionary, the Rhyming Becktionary!'- Bender Bending Rodriguez

08-24-2011, 04:00 PM	#77 (permalink)
Urban Hat€monger ? The Sexual Intellectual Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Somewhere cooler than you Posts: 18,605	hence the tight silver jeans & biker boots __________________ Urb's RYM Stuff Most people sell their soul to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Nick Cave.

08-25-2011, 06:30 AM	#80 (permalink)
Mykonos AWhatup Ganache? Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 381	Got one that just happened today: I used to be friendly with a girl in my History lessons who I'm madly attracted to, although she probably doesn't think of us as anything more than History buddies. I saw her today at the results podium and she told me her results, feeling towards them etc. I could have opened mine with her and felt great about being able to have one happy moment with her, but instead I tried to look above it all (probably to try and look good in front of her) and just went 'I'll look at them later'. To make it worse, I woke up this morning with a really croaky throat that made me sound like Tom Waits (which would be amazing if it was permanent, but sadly it's not) so I probably had a squeaky voiced teen trying to sound cool moment in front of her. __________________ 'Not that Becktionary, the Rhyming Becktionary!'- Bender Bending Rodriguez