Paedantic Basterd

So, are you changing which parts of a relationship are exclusive, or defeating the purpose of a relationship? If she made a friend she connected to even better than you*, male or female, would this be emotional infidelity?

*Please stop for a moment and pretend you think this is possible, because you have suggested before that it is not.

s_k

I don't think of it as infidelity. I think of it as something that could and may happen.
It's not a choice with whom you fall in love, not even when you're in a relationship.
I would think of it as an inhuman thing, should you force someone to suppress these emotions.
But I wouldn't expect it to happen. It could, though. Yeah. I'd take that risk.

I probably should add that this has never happened so far.
I just think I'll be able to live with it. I sort of allowed my (now ex-)girlfriend to have sex with another guy she liked. But you still have to take in consideration that we talk about EVERYTHING. It's not like this guy is going to be someone she meets at a party and have a one night stand with. It's not like all of a sudden she'll have another boyfriend or girlfriend.

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Paedantic Basterd

Hm. It just seems to me like it defeats the point of a relationship to strip it of all of its exclusivity.

Guybrush

I believe the only reason you could ever be okay with it would be if you had little emotional interest in the relationship. Basically, that it was dead for you. If you were really into a girl, you wouldn't like sharing her with someone else. The belief that you would be okay with it is a belief I think has been untested so far in your life.

There are many reasons why you should never want to share the girl/woman you love with another man. Some of these are purely instinctual, deeply rooted in the subconcious. For example, if you read up on modern biological theory (I'm a biologist), you'll see that organisms evolve to maximise their fitness and behaviours/strategies vulnerable to exploitation are not stable and so are weeded out. If your partner has sex with another man and gets pregnant, that's a bad situation from a fitness point of view. What could be even worse then would be if you raised the child believing it was your own. That would mean that you would spend your time and resources helping a different man maximize his fitness instead of doing something to promote your own. Then you have, from a biological fitness point of view, been exploited.

This just pokes at the tip of the ice-berg of why we're geared with feelings of jealousy in the first place. This is something we have evolved and just because cultures change, that doesn't mean our biology and feelings change with it. You can add to that a multitude of other possible reasons why such polygamy is a bad idea, such as the psychology of social relationships and so on.

Monogamy is generally the norm for a reason.

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Sansa Stark

imo it seems you love this girl too much that you've been kind of cuckolded and brainwashed into thinking it's okay to let her do that as long as she'd stay with you

kind of ****t

s_k

Maybe it is because of my autism?
I'm absolutely convinced that I have a lot of emotional interest in my relationship. But maybe in a different way than other people do.

How do you explain mormons and harems then?

I'll never have kids. You don't want to spread my gens man .
And I don't really like this world. I don't want to put anyone on this earth.

I don't do jealousy. I just don't have it.
Just as much as I haven't got boredom.
I don't see that as a bad thing

It's not the norm everywhere. In the animal kingdom there's also monogamy in some species.

But please Tore. I'm not here to defend the way I think.
I'm here to explain how my relationship works.

I really don't want to defend this. This wasn't my intention in the first place.

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s_k

Allright, if you don't mind I'm not going to join in this discussion anymore.
I really only wanted to explain Dirty how it works.
I didn't post this for people to criticize the way I cope with relationships.
I'm doing good. I'm really happy with the way I cope with relationships.
I don't hurt anyone with it, not even myself. So I don't really understand why it should be considered a bad thing, as nothing bad comes from it.

Please allow me to be my own strange self. Take what you like, leave what you don't like. I don't mind people not understanding this.
I do mind people trying to convince me to work in different ways. Even if they do this just to help. Please don't tell me how to look at things.
I can't and I won't do it any other way.

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Paedantic Basterd

Er, it should be noted that not all Mormons are polygamists. That's sort of like calling all Muslims terrorists. I don't want to speak about fundamentalist LDS mormons, because I don't know all of the details of their laws, but I get the impression you have a different idea of what their culture involves.

Paedantic Basterd

I'm sorry if you take this as criticism. It's not. If you and your friends are comfortable with this way of living, I don't care. I just wanted to understand it, because, be it for cultural or biological reasons, I don't.

s_k

I just watched Big Love .
It was just an example to explain that in some cultures, monogamy is pretty common.
So who are we to decide that it's a strange thing?
I don't blame muslim terrorists because they probably don't know better (not meaning I agree with them, they're idiots in my opinion).
To me it's the same like blaming a lion he kills me to feed his kids.

That's allright, of course.
And indeed you didn't really criticize me or tell me what to do

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