PoorOldPo

Totally.

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Plankton

I wouldn't show that video to the police, you could get cited for a couple of movers. Good on ya tho for fightin the good fight.

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Circe

I realise this thread isn't really intended for this kind of thing, but I couldn't find a better one in the 30 seconds I spent searching, aside from maybe stretching the definitions of the word "bitch" quite a bit. I won't go off on a huge emotional outburst here because I'm terrible at writing them down but I feel like I should probably get some excuses for myself down.

Right, so the few of you that might have noted me in your head may have realised that I've had next to no activity here for the past month or so and barely any in the first place, with next to all of it being focused around the Lounge rather than the actual music sub-forums this place is based around. The basic explanation for that is, to be horribly stereotypical, a bit of good old Teenage Girl Depression. I've had a bit of a history with it for quite a while but only very minor cases, but around 5 months ago a load of fairly bad stuff happened to me that sent me into a pretty deep one.

First of all, I found out some stuff about my dad that I really didn't welcome. He died when I was 9 (Leukaemia) and I never really knew him that well before that, but I'd always had it in my head that he was a good man who I was proud to have as a father. My mum, deciding that I was more than old enough to have a right to know the truth, admitted to me that during their marriage he'd cheated on her many times and that he was a cocaine addict. As you can imagine that was a bit of a blow to my image of one of the few figures I still viewed in an idealistic light and for most of the past couple of months I resented my own mother for telling me. After actually bothering to reflect on it I realise now that I was an idiot to do that and I've lately been making every effort to make it up to the woman who'd actually had to live with the man for the sake of her children and hide it from them afterwards. I wish I could take that back but if I could change the past I'd be a very different person now, so I've tried to move on from it.

Around November last year I also had a fairly unpleasant experience that hit me harder than it should have. Some of you might vaguely remember me mentioning my goal of getting into Oxford University next year. To keep it brief, that did not go well. Thanks to a very pushy tutor who was determined to get me in, I used up far more of my time on trying to get in than I did practising for my actual January exams, which didn't pay off well for me because after taking them I know I did fairly badly in them. Despite my efforts I only managed to score a measly 38/100 on the Uni's Aptitude Test, which wasn't even enough for me to get rejected after the interviews like most applicants, and thanks to that stupid tutor I became convinced that this meant I was going to get turned down by all my other choices as well, something that evidently wasn't true seeing as I now have conditional offers from all four. It may seem like a minor issue but me failing it and suffering in my actual exams as a result was a big blow to my self-esteem.

Of course that alone wouldn't be enough to throw me into a deep depression so I also had another unpleasant experience on New Year's Eve, when the boy I'd taken to calling my "sort-of boyfriend" very definitely stopped being my boyfriend and dumped me. At the time I was too drunk to really reflect on it but it was really just a fantastic start to the year for me to wake up in the morning with that churning in my head alongside a hangover. Unfortunately I may have been more infatuated with this boy than I let on to everyone including him, so he may not have thought of it as hitting me as hard as it did. For pretty much all of January this year I was completely miserable, barely even managing to find the motivation to drag myself out of bed for my extremely important exams. Those people that have noticed my "Giving Up Smoking" thread may also be aware that I had to put a lot of effort into shoving that particular habit into the back of my mind at the same time, which wasn't easy for me (truth be told, I dunno why I didn't just start it this month). At first I attempted to do what I always do when I feel down, which is go and talk to people on the internet (more on that in a sec). But thanks to the help of my mum, my sister and a couple of friends I've been able to drag myself out of it and get positive again.

But yeah, onto why I'm even mentioning all of this. When I get sad I tend to do what many other people do, which is drench myself in escapism. For me that mostly manifests in killing hours upon hours with games and films, listening to music when I can't get access to those two and chatting to people over the internet when I feel my social bar decreasing. Unfortunately I'm also about as exciting a miserable person as Gordon Brown so I made no effort in places like this to actually talk about the subject matter of music and just went off on inane tangents wherever I could. Flicking through my old posts here I get a lot of those "why the hell did I make a post like that?" moments, particularly those when I pull out my astronomically bad sense of humour. The entire point of me saying this is that I genuinely do apologise for being a horrible and unlikeable member here and that I am actually going to try and talk about music or at least something remotely interesting here. Plus I needed some easy sympathy points so I wouldn't actually have to make an effort to be a nice person...

Plankton

Totally understandable, and a natural human response to what you've been through. I know it's rough, but try to allow yourself to go through a healing process (Pain, Anger, Denial, Acceptance). You seem rather intelligent for someone in their teens, and very well versed in puting your feelings into something tangible that others can relate to.

I've had MANY moments where I look back and say "What the heck was I thinking?!", but we're only human and we all have our days like that.

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FRED HALE SR.

I think people in general are really far too hard on themselves. People everywhere make mistakes they regret and thats just you being human. I have never dealt with depression of any type but always advise people to talk with a professional if it doesn't subside. I've been lucky in that aspect i'm very carefree and kind of live by the seat of my pants. I don't internalize stuff the way others do. You can't change the past and thinking so will only alter what could be a great future. I would implore you also to not think of your father in a bad light, as you yourself know about the grips of addiction. I can't condone the womanizing but it has been more the common since the dawn of man, and it shouldn't harbor any ill feelings toward your father as its your mothers part to deal with. Cheer up kid, theres a world out there full of joy waiting for you.

The Batlord

I thought he was dead-er...moved out.

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FRED HALE SR.

I've been keeping up too and it seemed to me that he moved out of Dereks flat/place a few weeks back. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

bob.

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Reach out, pierce the fine fabric of the sheltering sky, take repose.

Janszoon

First day at the new job. Not too shabby so far.

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Time & Place

25 Albums You Should Hear Before the Moon Crashes into the Earth and We All Die

last.fm

Justthefacts

Good, don't get fired and die on the streets.

Or do...

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