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Search: Posts Made By: aveneficus
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 11-12-2009, 01:36 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 582
Posted By aveneficus
You are but a distant memory to me now, A ghost...

You are but a distant memory to me now,
A ghost of the ghost I've left to rest.
I can hardly recall the moonlight reflections
From green eyes and an off-white smile.

And I can still faintly...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 10-05-2009, 02:39 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 582
Posted By aveneficus
A black dress - and one, single blonde curl. ...

A black dress - and one, single blonde curl.
Blue eyes - and a pair of lips I wish only to kiss.
Porcelain skin - and three diamonds around her neck.

Countless - the times I've tried to win her...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 10-05-2009, 02:35 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 582
Posted By aveneficus
Dirt clothes the floor - dust erupts beneath...

Dirt clothes the floor -
dust erupts beneath naked feet
building colonies in wrinkled valleys.

Light, reflective - mirrored,
mimicing and blinding;
disguised by clouded corneas.

Disease,...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 10-05-2009, 02:34 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 582
Posted By aveneficus
Aveneficus' Poetry Collection

Going to start keeping everything together as many posters have done. Seems to be a good idea, if only for organization. I'll start with something I wrote today.

----------

Are you lonely?...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 10-01-2009, 06:38 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 839
Posted By aveneficus
First In A While ((Untitled))

Dirt clothes the floor -
dust erupts beneath naked feet
building colonies in wrinkled valleys.

Light, reflective - mirrored,
mimicing and blinding;
disguised by clouded corneas.

Disease,...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-23-2009, 06:10 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,991
Posted By aveneficus
I bolded it to show the slight seperation from...

I bolded it to show the slight seperation from the poem itself, yes i realize it is a line from a song, but it was running through my head that entire day, so i used it.

Thanks to everyone for the...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-11-2009, 05:58 PM
Replies: 25
Views: 2,975
Posted By aveneficus
Exactly my thoughts.

Exactly my thoughts.
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-10-2009, 09:22 PM
Replies: 128
Views: 12,504
Posted By aveneficus
this is extremely wordy, but other than not...

this is extremely wordy, but other than not entirely understanding what you're trying to say it isn't bad.
The last stanza is brilliant though :)
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-10-2009, 03:13 PM
Replies: 35
Views: 3,945
Posted By aveneficus
Okay so if you don't want any constructive...

Okay so if you don't want any constructive criticism, why are you here?
And if this song isn't just about you being a self indulged emo kid, please, do tell me what it's about.
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-09-2009, 04:31 PM
Replies: 36
Views: 4,275
Posted By aveneficus
This song wasn't particularly well written, in...

This song wasn't particularly well written, in fact in reminded me of a bad hit song

Listen to Take It All Away by Puddle of Mudd.. it sounds unmistakably similar..
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-09-2009, 04:21 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 2,069
Posted By aveneficus
i thought the song as a whole was decent, nothing...

i thought the song as a whole was decent, nothing really spectacular, but as said before, if sang correctly it could work.
to stray from the common opinion here, i actually thought the first two...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-09-2009, 04:14 PM
Replies: 35
Views: 3,945
Posted By aveneficus
elvon, you are not very talented from what ive...

elvon, you are not very talented from what ive read so far.
and this is not good because it is just you whining about everyone hating you.
bland. boring. repititive.

Edit: And do not call me...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-09-2009, 04:12 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 682
Posted By aveneficus
can some of the people on this site that actually...

can some of the people on this site that actually intellect review this please.
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-08-2009, 11:46 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 682
Posted By aveneficus
Post A Burden in My Bed

thoughts/criticisms appreciated

A Burden in My Bed
Awakening in the dark,
A man struck a match.
The light flickered on his face,
Pallets of color escaping grey eyes.
He reached for a...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-08-2009, 11:41 AM
Replies: 35
Views: 3,945
Posted By aveneficus
if all you want to know is if it's good, i'll...

if all you want to know is if it's good, i'll give you a simple answer.

no
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-06-2009, 11:16 PM
Replies: 19
Views: 2,588
Posted By aveneficus
all right well i read this before and didn't...

all right well i read this before and didn't comment. i guess that's because you were right when you said this is a common thing.
the whole thing was really just a rant poorly structured into a...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-04-2009, 12:05 PM
Replies: 35
Views: 3,945
Posted By aveneficus
no harm in trying

no harm in trying
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-04-2009, 12:05 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,329
Posted By aveneficus
they're not really lyrics at all.. it's a poem

they're not really lyrics at all.. it's a poem
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-03-2009, 10:37 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,329
Posted By aveneficus
Yes it has a meaning. I wrote it about heaven,...

Yes it has a meaning.
I wrote it about heaven, and the constant question that I always ask myself, "is it worth it to get to heaven?"
I don't want to get into a huge religious rant because I could...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-03-2009, 02:07 PM
Replies: 35
Views: 3,945
Posted By aveneficus
I'm not normally one to come out and say that...

I'm not normally one to come out and say that lyrics suck or are awful, but this is bad.
First of all, love songs make me sick, and the line 'you're my little angel' was an awful one to base a song...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-03-2009, 01:42 PM
Replies: 115
Views: 11,331
Posted By aveneficus
all right i suppose i'll throw you a bone here. ...

all right i suppose i'll throw you a bone here.
i liked this piece as a whole, but i do have a few things to say about it.
The descriptive nature of the story is brilliant in itself, however at...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-03-2009, 11:26 AM
Replies: 36
Views: 4,275
Posted By aveneficus
you and everything you stand for, rather--the...

you and everything you stand for, rather--the fact that you stand for nothing, is obnoxious.
From what you're saying, your life is entirely meaningless.
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-02-2009, 09:31 PM
Replies: 36
Views: 4,275
Posted By aveneficus
Adele, that was entirely irrelevant

Adele, that was entirely irrelevant
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 02-02-2009, 09:27 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,329
Posted By aveneficus
A Quick Poem

Feedback greatly appreciated!

I eased through the gates,
Peter’s back turned away.
The foyer, gold, with inlaid diamonds.
A guise of what lies ahead.
The chapel is blessed in eternal fire,...
Forum: Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry 01-15-2009, 12:13 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 710
Posted By aveneficus
bump. . anybody?

bump. . anybody?
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