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Old 02-11-2007, 11:18 PM   #291 (permalink)
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Figuritive language is overrated. This is perfection.
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Old 02-12-2007, 02:40 PM   #292 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by PaperHurricanesAndPlanes View Post
Figuritive language is overrated.
Personally I find poetry more interesting when it's not completely straightforward. If you're not gonna be a bit subtle, it might make more sense to write prose.
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Old 02-12-2007, 03:37 PM   #293 (permalink)
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Personally I find poetry more interesting when it's not completely straightforward. If you're not gonna be a bit subtle, it might make more sense to write prose.
These are lyrics to a song I've written, not a stand alone poem. Although, some people might argue that lyrics are just poems set to music (although, the means are sometimes contrasting to the end variably)... in that case: All poetry does not deal with figurative language, and not all GOOD poetry deals with figurative language - so instead of applying that personal preference to all of your poetic encounters - and then telling people what makes "sense", perhaps you might go out and broaden your poetic horizon? I'm not saying this out of ignorance or spite mind you, but in fact - prose and verse (and all it entails) happens to be my field of study. "Sense" you might find in retrospect is not the best word to be throwing around (here, especially). Thank you for taking the time to read my piece.


PS.
And just so my words are not without merit, I'll point you to a couple of songs that you may or may not know that have little/no figurative language and tell a story without much subtlety:

Bob Dylan - The Hurricane
Alkaline Trio - Clavicle
The Beatles - Penny Lane
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Old 02-12-2007, 04:31 PM   #294 (permalink)
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perhaps you might go out and broaden your poetic horizon?
I said it might make more sense, might meaning not always and varying based on individual situation. And granted, I'm a big fan of Bukowski who's about as direct as they come. But he's got panache. He's very creative in his presentation. This poem like a straightforward distillation of facts. Iwas just making a suggestion I thought might spice up the presentation (and make us think a bit as we read) and I was bothered by the guy who called figurative language overrated, since it's one of the most important things in Literature (a big part of what separates it from didactic prose) and I was trying to defend my opinion on fig. language in general more than dissing your poem.

Where do you study literature BTW? (just curious).
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Old 02-12-2007, 06:08 PM   #295 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ZeppelinAir View Post
deep...........at least to me anyway
I agree that was freakin awsome!I wish I could write like that!
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Old 02-26-2007, 03:29 AM   #296 (permalink)
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Default Another Happy Ending

Another Happy Ending


Save my son, he's sick.
Doctor if you could just please try?
I know it seems useless,
But please don't make me beg.
He's still got a heartbeat and that's what counts.
Don't ask him, he doesn't understand.
Let me explain with "words" now.

My son isn't most eloquent boy,
He does not think like we do.
Instead of speaking clearly,
He mutters through frozen lips,
A jaw bone not fully formed.
But it is beautiful when he smiles.
A brilliant star on darkened dune.

My son isn't the strongest boy,
He cannot lift himself out of bed.
But once we get him to his feet,
And he looks around the room,
Even though his muscles are limp,
He stands strong for a brief moment.
A monument amongst the ruins.

My son isn't the smartest boy,
Perhaps he couldn't add up one and two.
He knows when you're pointing,
And he knows when you're staring.
When he asks why he's different,
His tears are waiting to spill.
Burns like blood in acid veins.

My son isn't the problem though.
He is my pride and joy.
When he laughs I cry.
I'll never leave his side even when,
Times are tough, the well is dry.
He is the perfect boy you see?
The heartbeat of my short life.

Doctor I don't want to see him die.
You're shaking your head,
You say you're sorry and,
That I should just close my eyes.

Unplugged.

My son is "happy" now.



R. Crowe
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Old 02-26-2007, 03:38 AM   #297 (permalink)
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Just a suggestion for the first verse.

"Let me explain with "words" now."

Seems like to me it would just flow better.

Also maybe on the final line you should trade happy for happier? It just seems like it come across as more powerful to me at least.

Its fantastic though.
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Old 02-26-2007, 03:40 AM   #298 (permalink)
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i agree on all points.
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Old 02-26-2007, 03:41 AM   #299 (permalink)
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Wooo I helped!
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Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
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Old 02-26-2007, 10:35 PM   #300 (permalink)
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anyone?
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