sleepy jack

Agreed, minus the tear to eye part I don't cry easily but it definetly was sad.

__________________

adidasss

i'd eat you for lunch...

__________________
“Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle.

Last.fm

Crazy Luv

i agree with you, who agreed somewhat with riseagainstrocks

Crowe

Well no need to cry, this story is made up - I'm glad you guys like it so much!

__________________

holdyoualways

that was amazing. probably the best writing ive seen in this forum.

__________________

blackTshirt

i read something similar, once, like a poem-story thingo and it kinda takes a while till you feel you're really IN the story and that was really good... i mean i bet it makes a beautiful song

well done!!

__________________

TrampInaTux

I think that you may need to spend some time on creating another verse about what I posted before. I can't believe you missed that verse out-with your lyrical abilities, it could be the most powerful verse...

Crowe

I'll add the verse here when I have time to write it, and I'll post the song again - so keep on the lookout. I'll post the revision in this thread.

__________________

Crowe

New verse added at the request of hobo, does it make it better? worse? what do you think. Hobo asked me to write a verse telling about what happened when Lindsay went home to tell her parents and how she was disowned - referreing to the reference in my lyrics about it.



At fifteen, Lindsay was a beauty queen
Still naive to the evil dormant in man
The future was iridescent for the girl.
Every opportunity on a silver platter.
Soon would she find the devil, here.
Her tender eyes, and delicate frame,
drew the wrong kind of attention and,
Enter the beginning of the end for our dear Lindsay.

At eighteen, Jeremy was a teenage king,
with a lecherous eye and perverse mind.
He is the epitome of indecency, and the
very guy every boy wanted to be, and he-
Had an urge and to quench his thirst, well,
He found our darling Lindsay, with her in mind,
His design of counterfiet romance, secured her trust.

Well Jeremy with fast words and quicker lips,
sealed the end with an iron kiss when he said,
Lindsay, you're the best thing that's happened,
to me and I want to make our love last forever,
and he, took her to his experienced bed, Lindsay
resisted, but he insisted and held her arms behind
her head. Lindsay laid while he went to work, the
lump in her throat began to work and she cried
softly to nobody as Jeremy finished his proof of love.

Wouldn't you know, Jeremy left the next day,
saying that his love had over extended its stay.
Lindsay cried and Lindsay begged, banged her fist,
on his chest, she said, Please don't leave, I need you.
Jeremy turned away, he turned away leaving her on
the ground. But he left her with a present; a week
without her monthly pains, and Lindsay knew that
something was wrong. She bought a test and the rest,
is history for Lindsay and her burgeoning stomach.

She stumbled into the living room one night, oh her
Eyes red with the tears of a desperation, and her
Mother cried to her husband to come help with
Poor Lindsay who had fallen to her knees sobbing.
Surrounded by the ones she loved, she told them
her secret. And her mother's hand lashed out leaving,
a red star on Lindsay's cheek and dear old dad
called Lindsay a whore, and he threw her at the door,
and spit in her face, Lindsay would never return
to her home, told never to come back to this place.
Lindsay was alone again, and without a hope she wept.

At one day old, Johnathon was the most beautiful
baby you have ever seen. He had his mother's face,
and his father's eyes. And his mother merely cried.
Lindsay was disowned by her parents and lived in a
home. The baby would be given away, and Lindsay's
Sixteenth would be spent alone. Life was over for her.
She made her way out of the nursery and ran
to the river where she watched the current go.

With a bag of bricks and some neatly cut rope, she
tied little baby Johnathon to her chest and kissed his tiny
nose one last time and she dropped into the river.
Johnathon struggled and his cries were silent,
And Lindsay looked at him through, and
as though he could hear her through the water,
she sang him a lullabye, she sang him a lullabye.

Drown, drown, drown. Baby, don't cry.
Drown, drown, drown. Baby, don't cry.
Drown, drown, drown. Baby, don't cry. [x2]

And they hit the bottom without a sound.

__________________

Crazy Luv

Ahhh perfection!