my bands lyrics.

littleknowitall · 03-15-2007, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DontRunMeOver

I think these lyrics will work very well for rock in terms of style, your singer seems to have a knack for hooky lines. "Lipstick fever", "bodies fuelling hate", things like that will sound great with heavy guitars.

Having said that, the lyrics in the verses for all three songs seemed to be using the same pattern over and over again, with similar numbers of syllables in each line. I wouldn't be surprised if your singer is re-hashing the same musical ideas for the verse of each song. A lot of people do this, but its **** so make sure he's not doing it!

OH! And I know from experience that he's currently using too many words. It's hard to trust a lyric if there aren't a few 1,2 or 3 syllable lines kicking around, especially in the choruses. Keep the great lines and chop away at the rest. Chop chop.

Aye i understand completely, and as it goes we're kinda going for a punk meets sleaze rock kinda sound so you were spot on there. The lyrics are sung very fast but i think it's more to do qith the riffs our guitarist comes up with, they're extrodinarily difficult to write to.

DontRunMeOver · 03-15-2007, 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by littleknowitall

Aye i understand completely, and as it goes we're kinda going for a punk meets sleaze rock kinda sound so you were spot on there. The lyrics are sung very fast but i think it's more to do qith the riffs our guitarist comes up with, they're extrodinarily difficult to write to.

If he's having to sing very fast all of the time then even if he can do it it'll probably annoy the listener quite quickly. Just make sure he tries singing less notes in some songs too and see how more compares with less.

Kyren Tsunami · 03-15-2007, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DontRunMeOver
If he's having to sing very fast all of the time then even if he can do it it'll probably annoy the listener quite quickly. Just make sure he tries singing less notes in some songs too and see how more compares with less.

I agree with that fact therefore the lyrics seem tonguetwisting but that just my opinion though. when I read it, I sychronized it in my term just for a test to it even if your songer doing it differently. The first lyric you posted, the first is catchable for the listener yet, it's repetitive, so as the chorus, despite of the swear word. lol but the second verse, it's have a bit alot of syllable, could this singer could finish it in a breath? unless it's smooth in tune of course but I don't see one though. the rest of it is fine. the second lyric, I really like the first verse, it go on somewhat fast then it slow down on the part "she's got a lipstick fever" but the part "it'll never leave her", the listener will think it sound like it was cut off, so expand a little to be like "it will never leave her" if you want. the ending of that verse is good. the chorus is good and a little funny but add "the" to "put the word out all over the town." The second verse is good but the third line have too much "the" and "all along" kinda corrupt the syllables though but you can make it to be "got sugar all on my finger tips" sweet and clean. lol the "it'll never leave her" line is the same as the first of course. the last verse is really good but the first line "The smile is fading, feeling's gonna multiply" it don't need "'s" but to make it a bit easier for fast tone, "the smile's fading, feelings gonna multiply" and the rest is good. I gonna stop to that because I don't want to go on any further XD. If this lyric "South of the border" ever become a single for your band, I'll definitely want to hear it ^^ but just make the lyric catchable for the listeners ok?

littleknowitall · 03-16-2007, 04:59 PM

gladly, thankyou very very much for the fedback, i'll make sure my singer gets it.

Kyren Tsunami · 03-16-2007, 10:34 PM

no problem, of course I have an interest of you because "South of the border" note's tune is a bit similiar to "Phrase of Purity, Poem of Nudity" which i made it a month ago, only for the verses and not chorus. I'm impress that you got a band, I'm trying to look for some people who want to do different kind of rock. XD

littleknowitall · 03-17-2007, 05:41 AM

I've bee trying t get a band that best suits my interest for a couple of weeks now, think i've finally found one

Kyren Tsunami · 03-17-2007, 10:43 PM

lucky you... <_< but I find you interesting though because I want to make kind of music as you do but also other kinds too.

littleknowitall · 03-25-2007, 11:03 AM

care to elaborate on that?

03-16-2007, 10:34 PM	#15 (permalink)
Kyren Tsunami Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 64	no problem, of course I have an interest of you because "South of the border" note's tune is a bit similiar to "Phrase of Purity, Poem of Nudity" which i made it a month ago, only for the verses and not chorus. I'm impress that you got a band, I'm trying to look for some people who want to do different kind of rock. XD __________________ all the songs I've Wrotes cames from experiences from the past, present and future.

03-17-2007, 10:43 PM	#17 (permalink)
Kyren Tsunami Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 64	lucky you... <_< but I find you interesting though because I want to make kind of music as you do but also other kinds too. __________________ all the songs I've Wrotes cames from experiences from the past, present and future.

03-16-2007, 04:59 PM	#14 (permalink)
littleknowitall Pow! Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,671	gladly, thankyou very very much for the fedback, i'll make sure my singer gets it.

03-17-2007, 05:41 AM	#16 (permalink)
littleknowitall Pow! Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,671	I've bee trying t get a band that best suits my interest for a couple of weeks now, think i've finally found one

03-25-2007, 11:03 AM	#18 (permalink)
littleknowitall Pow! Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,671	care to elaborate on that?