New song I'm currently writing.. (lyrics, title, show, quote)

Geeky Boy · 03-12-2008, 03:03 PM

this is a song I'm writing dedicated to the girl of my dreams.. she doesnt know i like her though. I've only written the first part of the song and i can't think of a title

"I realized something new
I realized that I love you (you)
Thats something i never knew
I never knew til this day
Where i learned something new"

Pretty bad don't you think? =/

Well anyways help need to develop this song!

sxruhbaiir · 03-12-2008, 03:51 PM

That's a terrible arrangement of words. D:

My advice:
Don't quit your day job.

sweet_nothing · 03-12-2008, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sxruhbaiir

My advice:
Don't quit your day job.

Try to avoid bad rhyming and predictabilty.

~~mark1990celtic1888~~ · 03-12-2008, 04:48 PM

its very cliché. try to be diverse in the words you use, then you sould become a good songwriter.

GravitySlips · 03-12-2008, 05:50 PM

What are you expecting when you show this girl of your dreams those lyrics? It's not exactly inspirational stuff is it?

The first two lines are passable I guess, even if it's terribly cliche and predictable. The next three lines are just utterly unnecessary...they don't add anything whatsoever to what you're trying to do. What is the point in them? They're also so awkward I can practically see this girl's face cringe. Ditch those and PROGRESS!

Seriously though, better advice is NOT to write a song for a girl until you're dating her (if you must at all). Something tells me you are not dating this girl, can't think what it is but...

good luck.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 03-14-2008, 05:58 PM

^ Not always true. Sometimes you always suck.

DontRunMeOver · 03-23-2008, 03:13 AM

The lyric you showed us there is particularly bad. My advice in this situation would be to steal somebody elses lyric and pass it off as your own. One of Ethan's poems would be suitably sappy and might impress a girl or at least make her feel sorry for you.

either/or · 03-24-2008, 09:30 AM

It reminds me of a rhyme used to remember something. Nothing worth saving here, scrap it start again, this time try not to use the same words over and over again unless aiming for an intense repetition piece e.g raindrops,raindrops,raindrops,raindrops

sleepy jack · 03-24-2008, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DontRunMeOver

One of Ethan's poems would be suitably sappy and might impress a girl or at least make her feel sorry for you.

Well I am never single for very long

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 03-24-2008, 05:30 PM

^ That's true. He gets passed around like a Russian hooker. Probably because he IS a Russian hooker.

03-12-2008, 03:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
Geeky Boy Groupie Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Toronto,Ontario,Canada Posts: 1	New song I'm currently writing.. this is a song I'm writing dedicated to the girl of my dreams.. she doesnt know i like her though. I've only written the first part of the song and i can't think of a title "I realized something new I realized that I love you (you) Thats something i never knew I never knew til this day Where i learned something new" Pretty bad don't you think? =/ Well anyways help need to develop this song!

03-24-2008, 09:30 AM	#8 (permalink)
either/or Don't think twice Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: A basement on the hill Posts: 352	It reminds me of a rhyme used to remember something. Nothing worth saving here, scrap it start again, this time try not to use the same words over and over again unless aiming for an intense repetition piece e.g raindrops,raindrops,raindrops,raindrops __________________ Painstaking devotion and love Surrendered to self preservation From others who care for themselves A blindness that touches perfection But hurts just like anything else Isolation, isolation, isolation

03-12-2008, 03:51 PM	#2 (permalink)
sxruhbaiir Groupie Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Tennessee Posts: 2	That's a terrible arrangement of words. D: My advice: Don't quit your day job.

03-12-2008, 04:48 PM	#4 (permalink)
~~mark1990celtic1888~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Scotland Posts: 88	its very cliché. try to be diverse in the words you use, then you sould become a good songwriter.

03-12-2008, 05:50 PM	#5 (permalink)
GravitySlips Music Addict Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 1,578	What are you expecting when you show this girl of your dreams those lyrics? It's not exactly inspirational stuff is it? The first two lines are passable I guess, even if it's terribly cliche and predictable. The next three lines are just utterly unnecessary...they don't add anything whatsoever to what you're trying to do. What is the point in them? They're also so awkward I can practically see this girl's face cringe. Ditch those and PROGRESS! Seriously though, better advice is NOT to write a song for a girl until you're dating her (if you must at all). Something tells me you are not dating this girl, can't think what it is but... good luck.