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09-25-2008, 10:05 PM
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#11 (permalink) | |
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Master, We Perish
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Havin a good time, rollin to the bottom.
Posts: 3,710
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You're pushing it, but I will. I'm a good guy, remember that. But I should really put another song up here if I write another one.
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^if you wanna know perfection that's it, you dumb shits Spoiler for guess what:
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12-03-2008, 11:10 PM
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#13 (permalink) | |
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Master, We Perish
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Havin a good time, rollin to the bottom.
Posts: 3,710
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Poem I wrote
Kinda quickly. There's a poetry night tomorrow, and I didn't wanna back down after signing up. Here it is:
There’s blood in a gutter There’s only one question: Was it a beating or a cutter? An abusive father terrifies a young child to studder Until he can speak no longer High society puts diamonds in all their jewels They see what happens in Africa, though they play a fool They’ll risk the genocide as long as they stay cool But diamonds don’t mean class We have more options, but we still use oil It only brings harm to earth and international turmoil The substance sleeps underneath like a snake in its coil While chaos and treachory occur above There’s not much hope but there’s hopeful people I try to stay hopeful but there’s so much evil Know a man one day, the next he’s brought down the church’s steeple But hey, life goes on.
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Quote:
^if you wanna know perfection that's it, you dumb shits Spoiler for guess what:
Last edited by Surell; 12-03-2008 at 11:17 PM. |
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12-17-2008, 01:41 PM
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#14 (permalink) | |
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Master, We Perish
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Havin a good time, rollin to the bottom.
Posts: 3,710
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Another Rap I Wrote
You guys seemed to like my last one, I hope you enjoy this one equally as much. And yes, it's ridden with allusions and metaphors. I think I'll call it Call Me.
Call me a stuntman, call me Knievel Call me the Joker cuz I’m straight up evil Call me an earthquake because I cause upheavel Call you Jesus Christ cuz this is your last meal Don’t call me a lawyer cuz I don’t cut deals Call me a robot cuz I don’t feel Call me Superman; I’m made of steel Call me a vietcong cuz I rule the killing fields Call me inhumane cuz I’ll bludgeon you like a seal Call me a pimp like I’m ****in Jessica Biel Call me an Aztec cuz I leave behind ruins Call me Ali cuz a fight for me’s a shoo-in Call it a short brawl cuz you’ll get two in Call you a bitch cuz you’ll call your whole crew in Call me a legend cuz I’ll take your whole crew out Call me an actor cuz that was my cue out Call me double barrel cuz I’ll get two out Call me an assassin cuz I gotta take a few out Call me a beast, I eat up rappers with a side of beats Call me a pilgrim cuz I’ll have a feast Call me a villain for my dastardly deeds Call me McDonald for killin the beef Call me Scarface cuz I can’t stand ****roaches Don’t call me Rocky cuz I don’t need any coaches Call me a cheetah for my stealthy approaches Call me a mob for blazin up with the torches Call me the Mob for hittin em with the choppers Call me Ice T for killin off the coppers Call me the North Pole for being the topper And call me Shawn Michaels for being the showstopper
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Quote:
^if you wanna know perfection that's it, you dumb shits Spoiler for guess what:
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12-17-2008, 06:13 PM
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#15 (permalink) |
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Meanie McFeany
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Troy side'ah the dirt, NY
Posts: 455
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All right... it has attitude. I like attitude. However... "call me" is repeated way too much, in my opinion... I know that's the point of the piece, but it just gets relentless after a while, and not in a good way... Some of the lines are great, but rhyming "out" three times is just rather annoying. Like all the allusions, not sure where the metaphors were, though.
Favorite line: "Call me Jesus Christ cuz this is your last meal" Thought the Ali line was a bit corny, and not particularly fond of an easy rhym with "shoo-in" just before that. The Aztec/ruin thing was good, though. "Legend" line seems to serve no purpose and it just comes off pretentious, to me. Pilgrim/feast line just kinda made me chuckle... I mean, it just doesn't seem to fit. But the last line was golden. So, overall... it needs some work, but I like what you're trying to do. So... crit for crit? Pweez?  http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...ay-winter.html
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 ... Stalin had a FANTASTIC moustache. Formerly known as the Prime Minister of Spain. [backintheubbr]
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12-17-2008, 07:00 PM
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#16 (permalink) |
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snickers
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: detroit
Posts: 2,194
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I don't like the repitition of "Call me".
So, let me get this: You're the Anti-Christ and you don't want to be compared to Rocky?????? wtfman, messed up!
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A mi no me importa nada Para mi la vida es un sueño |
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12-17-2008, 09:46 PM
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#17 (permalink) | |
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Master, We Perish
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Havin a good time, rollin to the bottom.
Posts: 3,710
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Yeah, that legend line was weird, but I didn't know another word for that line.
And I never said I was the Anti Christ, sir!
__________________
Quote:
^if you wanna know perfection that's it, you dumb shits Spoiler for guess what:
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12-18-2008, 01:45 AM
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#18 (permalink) |
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snickers
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: detroit
Posts: 2,194
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"Call you Jesus Christ cuz this is your last meal"
I just took this as a John Wilkes Booth statement. Plus all the other things you said that could be considered morally "bad".
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A mi no me importa nada Para mi la vida es un sueño |
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12-18-2008, 06:04 PM
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#19 (permalink) | |
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Master, We Perish
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Havin a good time, rollin to the bottom.
Posts: 3,710
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That doesn't make me the Anti Christ, though. It just makes me a bad person. I won't deny that one.
__________________
Quote:
^if you wanna know perfection that's it, you dumb shits Spoiler for guess what:
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