Rubber's Songwriting Journal

Dr_Rez · 04-03-2009, 08:50 PM

I like it. Now I think you should change the mediocre member to slightly above average member

Schizotypic · 04-07-2009, 04:59 PM

^Very, very true. Especially with vague poetry, but even with poems that are simple and that point is obvious. Everyone has their own interpretation.

Rubber · 04-11-2009, 12:47 AM

deleted.

Stone Birds · 04-18-2009, 11:19 AM

is the big part supposed to be lyrics or is it a comment to your lyrics?

Rubber · 04-18-2009, 01:50 PM

it's just a continuation of the lines.

Rubber · 04-19-2009, 07:51 PM

open up and receive
the crackling of cardboard vessels
pulmonary and pure.
wiffle ball functioneer
of oxygen withdrawal.

doppelgängered from Han Solo mold
and so is sewn, the smiles of the bold

a ragtag firefly militia
to be massacred in the backyard
by jar armed juveniles.
exotic golden glow
extinguished
by the instruments of innocence.

holynapkin · 04-20-2009, 06:23 PM

The second paragraph has no flow at all. I am sorry but those lyrics cannot be sung.

Even if it was poetry, it still lacks anything that would deem it so. It seems more like a cruddy letter written to someone.

But, whatever, to each his own.

Rubber · 04-20-2009, 06:37 PM

I can honestly say I really don't like this one at all. I'd disagree about it not being poetry, but it's still really bad. I'd delete it if I could.

Thrice · 04-20-2009, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by holynapkin

The second paragraph has no flow at all. I am sorry but those lyrics cannot be sung.

Even if it was poetry, it still lacks anything that would deem it so. It seems more like a cruddy letter written to someone.

But, whatever, to each his own.

shooot man, anything can be sung!

simplephysics · 04-21-2009, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rubber

I can honestly say I really don't like this one at all. I'd disagree about it not being poetry, but it's still really bad. I'd delete it if I could.

Would that be a request?

04-03-2009, 08:50 PM	#41 (permalink)
Dr_Rez Registered Jimmy Rustler Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: USA Posts: 5,361	I like it. Now I think you should change the mediocre member to slightly above average member __________________ Best chance of losing virginity is in prison crew Always Checks Credentials Crew nba > nfl crew Shave one of my legs to pretend its a girl in my bed crew

04-11-2009, 12:47 AM	#43 (permalink)
Rubber sidewalks Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Novi Posts: 401	Pray with me deleted. __________________ and we stayed, sixteen. Last edited by Rubber; 09-25-2009 at 11:56 PM. Reason: bad piece is bad.

04-18-2009, 01:50 PM	#45 (permalink)
Rubber sidewalks Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Novi Posts: 401	it's just a continuation of the lines. __________________ and we stayed, sixteen.

04-19-2009, 07:51 PM	#46 (permalink)
Rubber sidewalks Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Novi Posts: 401	*shrug* open up and receive the crackling of cardboard vessels pulmonary and pure. wiffle ball functioneer of oxygen withdrawal. doppelgängered from Han Solo mold and so is sewn, the smiles of the bold a ragtag firefly militia to be massacred in the backyard by jar armed juveniles. exotic golden glow extinguished by the instruments of innocence. __________________ and we stayed, sixteen.

04-20-2009, 06:37 PM	#48 (permalink)
Rubber sidewalks Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Novi Posts: 401	I can honestly say I really don't like this one at all. I'd disagree about it not being poetry, but it's still really bad. I'd delete it if I could. __________________ and we stayed, sixteen.

04-07-2009, 04:59 PM	#42 (permalink)
Schizotypic Souls of Sound Sailors Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Mojave Posts: 759	^Very, very true. Especially with vague poetry, but even with poems that are simple and that point is obvious. Everyone has their own interpretation.

04-18-2009, 11:19 AM	#44 (permalink)
Stone Birds myspace.com/stonebirdies Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here Posts: 1,401	is the big part supposed to be lyrics or is it a comment to your lyrics?

04-20-2009, 06:23 PM	#47 (permalink)
holynapkin Groupie Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 26	The second paragraph has no flow at all. I am sorry but those lyrics cannot be sung. Even if it was poetry, it still lacks anything that would deem it so. It seems more like a cruddy letter written to someone. But, whatever, to each his own.