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Old 09-04-2009, 09:38 AM   #31 (permalink)
Fish in the percolator!
 
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How so? Don't you like the title?
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Old 09-05-2009, 12:10 AM   #32 (permalink)
Not your best friend.
 
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Title of what?

Pehaps I should extrapolate. For example, one starts every other line with 'your love,' and another starts every other line with 'my love.' It gets a little old, but I know some of the best songs are like this, and I do like 'Her Eyes,' which is like that. It's just hit and miss I guess.
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Old 09-06-2009, 12:49 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default This Love
This love runs on emotion.
This love is fueled by devotion.
This love floats on feelings.
Higher than a cathedral ceiling.

This love soars on the breeze of monogamy.
Two hearts in perfect harmony.
This love is you.
This love is me.
Together, forever through eternity.
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Old 09-06-2009, 12:57 PM   #34 (permalink)
Music?! Lets boogie!
 
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i can't tell why i like your poetry exactly (well, some of it) because it is definitely not my usual style. hmmm. Still too ashamed of myself to offer further critique, but ill let you know.

Also, you need to post all your work in one thread, to save space.
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Old 09-06-2009, 01:48 PM   #35 (permalink)
young gun funyun
 
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i can't tell why i like your poetry exactly (well, some of it) because it is definitely not my usual style. hmmm. Still too ashamed of myself to offer further critique, but ill let you know.
Maybe because he's so persistant about it that it convinces you his topic is genuine. Don't be ashamed about it, public opinion is never really the definition of quality.

peace,
-nick
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Old 09-06-2009, 02:01 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Still too ashamed of myself to offer further critique, but ill let you know.
How long must this despondancy go on? Can't you be like everyone else: cut yourself, and move on?
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Old 09-06-2009, 09:48 PM   #37 (permalink)
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How long must this despondancy go on? Can't you be like everyone else: cut yourself, and move on?
ha. been there done that, ended up in therapy. We'll let it run its course.
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Old 09-06-2009, 10:36 PM   #38 (permalink)
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oh

...
sorry for bringing it up, didn't mean anything by it.
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Old 09-06-2009, 11:07 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Rainfall View Post
oh

...
sorry for bringing it up, didn't mean anything by it.
No worries. that was a long while ago (in teenage time) and I am generally a very happy person. Just going through a little...idk wut it is, but it will run its course and i'll be back to my poetry critiquing self in no time. Still waiting for your poem Rainfall.

again, no worries.


Oh, and sorry this convo is in ur thread Lamar Cole....but really, the thread shouldn't be here anyway, it should be in with ur other stuff.
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Old 09-06-2009, 11:37 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Yes, appologies for getting off-track, as it is my fault. I don't even know if you read what anyone is writing to you though... a post or two on some of the critism would be nice and engaging, but make sure you do it on your LLL thread.

Quote:
Still waiting for your poem Rainfall.
*twitch twitch O.o* Can't handle the pressure... !
lol, I got a few things worked out, but nuthin that'll make you shit yourself...

... yet.
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