VEGANGELICA

Hello again,

This last week I've been working on lyrics that criticize PETA's unethical tactics in order to (try to) fulfill The Unfan's request for such a song.

I also tried to follow asshat's suggestion that I make my lyrics a little more catchy (which in this song simply equals simplistic). I apologize in advance for the "oh, ohs."

I'm still working on the shortness part of the suggestion! I did use a verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge-chorus format, though, to simplify the song structure. My plan is for the tune (which I have figured out) to be accompanied by instruments The Unfan claimed were his favorites: the washboard (which I plan to use for percussion), piano, and a mandolin-like sound. If I can find my harmonica, I'll include it in honor of Captain Beefheart!
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“Animalia” by Erica

They have soft, fuzzy hair, silky ears, lovely eyes.
You can tell how they feel by their calls and their cries.
Some are loyal. Some cheat. Some are nasty, some sweet.
Some only eat plants. Some hunt to get meat.

They will kill for their young. Their love is fierce and strong,
their pain deep, their joy high. They may not see right or wrong.
They adore and despise, can be foolish and wise.
They’re wild, naked, loving living, playful, silly, selfish, giving...

Oh, people are animals, too.
Put that on the banner marching down the avenue.
When you care about creatures never lose sight
of the fact that hurting humans isn’t right because...

People are animals, too.
Put that on the signs marching down the avenue.
You may think we’re different branches of the family tree,
but Animalia includes humanity,
Oh, oh!

When liberating animals is your aim
you shouldn’t try to scare, terrorize, or maim.
You won’t rally people around your cause
when you frighten them by breaking laws.

If they see you as an adversary
they won’t try to listen–they’ll be too wary.
So if you’re causing human terror
then you are making a fatal error because...

People are animals, too.
Put that on the banner marching down the avenue.
When you care about creatures never lose sight
of the fact that hurting humans isn’t right because...

People are animals, too.
Put that on the signs marching down the avenue.
You wouldn’t harm the sister to benefit the brother,
so don’t kill one for the sake of the other.
Oh, oh!

(BRIDGE)
You shouldn’t fund groups treating people like monsters.
You shouldn’t kill strays dumping them in people’s dumpsters.
You shouldn’t euthanize pets owners think you’ll give care.
You shouldn’t kill animals with life to live and still aware.

From your high horse you shouldn't say others shouldn’t ride them,
ignoring that you’re doing the actions you’ve denied them.
You shouldn’t hurt people because of whom they’re eating.
Violating human rights is self-defeating because...

People are animals, too.
Put that on the banner marching down the avenue.
When you care about creatures never lose sight
of the fact that hurting humans isn’t right because...

People are animals, too.
Put that on the signs marching down the avenue.
You may think we’re different branches of the family tree
but Animalia includes humanity.
Oh, oh!

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VeggieLover

You know, I actually really like this song. Granted, it was inspired by another persons views of how music should read, but you nevertheless made it something that not only comes from your heart but also something that can reach out to others and include them in your cause.

My mom and I were talking in the car about protest songs (specifically where have all the flowers gone from the late 50's) so I kind of hear this song in that context, not so much with a washboard and mandolin, although the harmonica would be nice. I don't know though, I'd have to hear it, you have knack with mixing lyrics and music to create a very unique flavor.

The only thing that i noticed was the "you shouldn't" bits in the bridge and some of the verses (it works fine in the chorus). I almost exclusivly avoid "you" in all of my writing, simply because I find that the instant I use it, the audience loses touch. I, for example, don't kill pets by throwing them into dumpsters. I'm not sure if its such a big deal in this song since its directed at a certian organization, its just the only bit i could find something to critisize. I also wouldn't know how you'd go about changing it should u decide to, it was just a thought.

Anyway, let us know when you have a recording available, id love hear it!

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"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."

Nicktarist

It's an interesting song--much wider scope than your previous work. I honestly would've approached it completely differently, but that's beside the point. My issue is with length. You may be saying a bit more than you need to here. You want to get to the point without losing the listener to a bunch of disclaimers. So, just play around with that idea and take out lines or stanzas that seem to overstate themselves *if* you take my advice.

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Ravenkin

Take from your lovely mouth that cigarette.
Put down your glass. I don’t want to lose you yet.

For some reason those lines connected with me the most. Its a great song keep up the good work!

VEGANGELICA

Thanks VeggieLover. Yes, I'd read what you wrote about you's in someone else's thread and agree that they can jolt a listener out of being absorbed in a song. I'll think about variations to avoid the you's.

Hey, Nick, thanks for the advice...I agree it is too long! I will try to figure out the parts I feel are most redundant so I can make the song more concise. I will hope to end up with two versions...one the original, and one shorter...so then I can still feel my original intent is given life, but also make a version that doesn't drag on and on. I am curious now how you might have approached the topic.

Thank you, Ravenkin, for reading! I like those lines, too...written for a particular person. I'm glad you liked the song, and thank you for the encouragement.

--Erica

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Terrible Lizard

What the fuck?

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“YOU ARE SCUM SLUT.”
-John Martyn

VEGANGELICA

^At last. I have been patiently awaiting this day for 1 month.

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Nicktarist

I personally would've found a metaphor that would be consistant through the entire song (for instance, I've got a song back in my thread that uses a train as a reference to progression and success). When I say the train stopped or fell on it's side, it means that things seem to stand still and never get done or go forward. Time stands still (as it may). So here, I would sit and think what the most consistant representation of PETA would probably be:

a crafty snake?
a street dealer?
a confused lemming? (A lemming with the locket?)

then I'd take that and advance it every few lines:

That's how I would technically approach the poem (even those are terrible metaphors).

In reference to my criticism of PETA, I would certainly point out that they follow their ideology like lemmings, often forcing them off a cliff of sanity and into a sea of contradiction and deceit. I'd try to get to the very root of the problem and point out how impossible it is for people to (in general) admit that they are wrong. It takes allot (I know from expirience).

What you have though is absolutely perfect for the cause and doesn't require my input to be effective.

peace out,
-nick

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VEGANGELICA

Hello, People,

Since quite a few love songs are being posted right now in other people's threads, I decided to share one of mine that I finished a couple weeks ago. This song, "Twist," is one of a long line of songs I was inspired to write thanks to MB, which I never expected would be such a delightful source of inspiration when I joined!

Those of you who have read my previous posts may be happy to learn that the following is actually an optimistic song (well, about as optimistic as I can muster) rather than a scathing critique of human injustices and cruelty. Eh, even I have a romantic side.

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“Twist” by Erica

His youth was rich in experience,
rich in experience but not wealth.
He had to work to pay for every life expense.
Didn’t own much more than his clothes and his health.

Couldn’t go to college, ‘cause he had to live.
You can’t pay tuition when you’re eating air.
He tried to make peace with having no alternative.
Tried to make himself believe he didn’t care...

about the deeds undone, the plans never begun,
dreams falling through the cracks
showing what your life lacks,
having little control over the unmet goal,
knowing what’s in store: always hoping for more.

He learned the hard way some won’t sacrifice
one goal to make another come true.
He’d loved a woman once, hoped they’d run through rice.
Now he missed the life they never knew due to...

her promises undone, her vows never begun,
dreams falling through the cracks
showing what your life lacks,
having little control over the wayward soul
seeing what’s in store and always wanting more.

Then one night he went out to eat,
gave his order to a stranger who smiled.
He thought, she’d be someone he’d like to meet.
She seemed as open as a child.

She saved twisty-ties from bags of breads,
wove them into colorful tapestries,
characters with twisty-tie ring heads,
and mobiles swaying in the breeze.

And she told him:
"These are the deeds I’ve done, little dreams I’ve begun.
I used to fall through the cracks of what my life lacks.
Then I changed my view: I see the old is new.
I never know what’s in store, but I don’t need more."

And as their months passed
he felt the urge to give her everything,
everything a friend could ever ask for,
but life and love aren’t all-encompassing
and sometimes you just can’t give anymore.

Yet she told him,
“The gift ungiven is still worth receiving,
like when you say you’d rather stay when you’re leaving.
I can’t figure you out, but I want to figure you in.
Just give me a sign and I’ll begin.”

He'd started out with so little,
didn’t know if he could offer it all again.
He wanted to meet her in the middle,
but he couldn’t say when
‘til one day she told him:

“I know you want the whole call, not just the ring,
still I made this twisty-tie ring for you.
I wish I could give you everything.
Please wear it if you want me to/too.”

His liquid courage solidified,
and he said, “I do.”

Ohhhh...
And the deed was done, their happy life begun.
No more falling through the cracks
showing what your life lacks.
Using what they could control, they reached their goal:
never knowing what’s in store, but not needing more.

Oh, the deed was done, their loving vows begun
to help mend the cracks ( <-- This line, Liz! )
of what the other’s life lacks,
making all they share a lifelong affair,
knowing what’s in store:
never wanting more,
never hoping for more,
never needing more.
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Hi, Nick,
Thanks for taking the time to answer my question and describe how you would have approached writing a song about PETA. I am now finding myself thinking about trying to make a song based on a metaphor that describes how hard it is to admit when one is wrong. I like that song topic idea: the strength and wisdom it takes for people to admit they are wrong.
--Erica

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Nicktarist

I think you've found your niché--it's not really love songs, but you are a master at storytelling. You have proven yourself best at that, thus far, and your song Africa--that's what it needs. It needs to be a proper story. If you could do that without trying to outright describe the culture (you only need to drop hints here and there), I think you would have a most perfect song.

peace,
-nick

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