Are these poems any good?

LuneLight · 01-16-2012, 01:36 PM

Forced out of sleep to find myself alone,
I felt afraid as shadows of nightmares approached
Sending shivers straight through me
There were voices in the wind
And a stream of moonlight on the floor
It guided my eyes to you as you stood at the door
Am I still dreaming?

It's always the same dream
always me in a dark room
And you at the door
Always me losing something
And you walking away

Your lips move with each step that you take
And you seem further with every move i make
Suddenly the light seems feint
As I open my mouth to find myself wordless
I know what happens next...
Because I've been here before

Every night it's the same dream
Always you tearing me apart
Always you moving on
Always me trying to hold on
Always me losing you

What do I do if this never stops?
It won't fade...
I feel the pain
Every word always hurts
And I feel every bit of my heart as it breaks
Its a pain I'll never get used to
It won't fade...
It's meant to be this way.

starrynight · 01-16-2012, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LuneLight

Shut your eyes and freeze time
Let me lay with you for a little while
Make believe we were strong enough to make it as far as we dreamed
While it's dark we can just keep on believing that we've always been and will always be this happy
Just don't open your eyes

Is there anything I could do to stall the sunrise?
I'd sell my soul for this illusion
As long as it's dark
I see things as I want them to appear

Close your eyes and put your hand in mine
We'll go on living as if nothing ever went wrong
You don't need to be afraid
You're safe if you want to be
While it's dark our lives will seem so far away
And we can pretend this is the only life we've ever had
Just don't open your eyes

What do I have to do to stall the sunrise?
I'd sell my soul for one more night in this illusion
As long as it's dark and shadows keep the world from me
I see everything as I want it to be

Close your eyes and let's be perfect
We can pretend that this is really who we are
As long as it's dark we can still be happy
Until the sun rises and forces us back into our broken lives

I like the association of dark and deception/dreams. Though stopping the sunrise and selling your soul sound a bit cliched to me. Promising though.

LuneLight · 09-27-2012, 09:25 AM

Don't let the light shine in
I'd hate to open my eyes
and find that you're not really here
It kills me every time
Waking up alone and realising you're nowhere near

Your face is fresh in my memory
Your voice is clear as thunder in my mind
And I'm just going through the motions
Dreading each day that I wake without you

When I'm wide awake and you're gone
And dreams of you drift to the back of my mind,
I feel like I might survive
Until I hear your favourite song and
Suddenly everything reminds me of you

And I surrender
I'll lose my mind if I try to ignore the daydreams of you
So I close my eyes and surrender

In my dreams...
We're drifting, our auras entwined as you lay in my arms
I kiss you like I can't get enough and hungrily you receive my embrace
We'll never be apart

And you're presence is so stellar in my dreams
And you see into the very depth of my soul
There's no part that I can conceal
And you still love me

In my dreams...
Your love burns a hole in the darkness
It fills my lungs and revives the fading bits of me
And I savour every part of you until the mirage fades
And I return to the cold of my bed all alone

So don't let the light shine in
I never want to open my eyes and find that you're not next to me
Because this might kill me...
Only having you in my dreams and never having you in my reach

Gucci Little Piggy · 09-29-2012, 02:42 AM

You do have potential, but the way you talk about love is pretty cliche, it's the big pitfall of making poems about love, they're hard to keep fresh because it's been done so many times. The use of metaphores is pretty good though.

LuneLight · 10-09-2012, 04:04 PM

Forever his
Forever subservient to him
Forever under his thrall
Forever haunted by the Morning Star

There's always a light burning in the distance
Seeping through the cracks in these prison walls
I try hard to reach it and be a part of it
But the devils hold on to me so possessively
They'll never let me go

In a dream I'm climbing a ladder to salvation
With sin chained around my waist
They keep me tethered to the past
They keep me from a life of peace...
His maniacal laughter stretches out from beneath
His words fill my mind and soul
"You'll never be a part of the light"

I just want to run until I feel safe
Just want to run so far...
But there's no place far enough, no escape
You can't outrun the Morning Star.

If I was strong enough to break free from these walls
Maybe I could run and reclaim what I lost
And be with the ones who reside in the light
But the devils hold me as their slave
They're all I have. This is all I know.
Despite what I want
I'm forever a prisoner
Forever without a name
Forever his
Forever haunted by the morning star

LuneLight · 12-16-2012, 12:49 PM

Last night i dreamed of running from this place,
Instead of faking it through another day
And always shedding tears of shame,
Always trying to win this game
But that was just a dream...
This is my home

And I spend all my time...
Wandering the circles of my mind...
Speaking riddles and rhymes...
Searching for something i may never find...
Just a reason to breathe.
Just a reason to be alive.

Naked, I stand in front of the mirror,
staring at the reflection of a stranger.
I see nothing in those hollow eyes.
No life beneath his pale skin.

And it's as if I never breathed a single breath.
Never dreamed.
Was never warm.
It's like I've always been this ghost
Never moving forward.
Never knowing more than this.
Always in Limbo...

Where i spend all my time...
Wandering the circles in my mind...
Speaking riddles and rhymes...
Searching for something that I'll never find...

A reason to breathe again...
A reason to be alive again...

Hamilcar · 12-16-2012, 10:31 PM

Coool i liked your poems they are nice

LuneLight · 03-06-2013, 12:39 PM

Frost bitten soul
Bound by a body he doesn't want
In a world he can't call home
With a dream he'll never reach
Surrounded by people he doesn't trust
They'll never know what he really wants

Heart is so cold
Beating in pain
Blood like broken glass
Scraping through sandpaper veins
This body's like a prison cell
And my soul's been sentenced to ebb here
Until one night it'll be silenced by hypothermia

I tried to be a part of this place
Thought I wanted to be like everyone else
But I'll never see things as they do
Or find comfort in anything the way they can
I only see ghosts where life should be
And when I speak my words are empty
as they fall upon deaf ears
never revealing what I wish i was saying

Is there a sun warm enough to thaw my frost bitten soul
And set it free
Can it melt this prison away until it holds me no more
Can I escape the depths of the gelid seas that swallowed me whole
If this body dies, will I finally be able to take to the sky?
Oh, set me free
I want to be free

But this frost bitten soul...
Is bound by a body I don't deserve
Getting colder everyday
Losing warmth with every breath...

JDD993 · 03-23-2013, 11:03 PM

That's very nice poetry. If i was reading it as a full collection from a book I would find it a bit too dark though. But that's just me, I like a lot of variation.

LuneLight · 05-25-2013, 06:04 AM

So tired of being left behind
And being at the receiving end of a goodbye
As if my love doesn't mean anything
It's just a way to pass the time

I don't think I could take another disappointment
If there's a God
I beg with all my soul for you to stop the pain
Or take it all away
Take everything away

If love comes again and leaves me here to cry
leave the wound and let me die
Don't stitch me back together
Because if this is my curse
If this is my life
I'd rather not survive

I hate that I'm too blind to see
a promise for what it really is
I never see the lie
I only see your eyes

That's why I'm always the one left behind
It's why I'm always at the receiving end
of a lover's goodbye
And if love comes again just to leave me high and dry,
please just leave the wound, let me die
Don't stitch me back together
Don't let me go back to feeling the way I've been feeling forever
I don't want to survive
If this is my life
I'd rather not survive

01-16-2012, 01:36 PM	#41 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	Fade Forced out of sleep to find myself alone, I felt afraid as shadows of nightmares approached Sending shivers straight through me There were voices in the wind And a stream of moonlight on the floor It guided my eyes to you as you stood at the door Am I still dreaming? It's always the same dream always me in a dark room And you at the door Always me losing something And you walking away Your lips move with each step that you take And you seem further with every move i make Suddenly the light seems feint As I open my mouth to find myself wordless I know what happens next... Because I've been here before Every night it's the same dream Always you tearing me apart Always you moving on Always me trying to hold on Always me losing you What do I do if this never stops? It won't fade... I feel the pain Every word always hurts And I feel every bit of my heart as it breaks Its a pain I'll never get used to It won't fade... It's meant to be this way. Last edited by LuneLight; 12-06-2012 at 05:24 PM.

09-27-2012, 09:25 AM	#43 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	stellar in my dreams Don't let the light shine in I'd hate to open my eyes and find that you're not really here It kills me every time Waking up alone and realising you're nowhere near Your face is fresh in my memory Your voice is clear as thunder in my mind And I'm just going through the motions Dreading each day that I wake without you When I'm wide awake and you're gone And dreams of you drift to the back of my mind, I feel like I might survive Until I hear your favourite song and Suddenly everything reminds me of you And I surrender I'll lose my mind if I try to ignore the daydreams of you So I close my eyes and surrender In my dreams... We're drifting, our auras entwined as you lay in my arms I kiss you like I can't get enough and hungrily you receive my embrace We'll never be apart And you're presence is so stellar in my dreams And you see into the very depth of my soul There's no part that I can conceal And you still love me In my dreams... Your love burns a hole in the darkness It fills my lungs and revives the fading bits of me And I savour every part of you until the mirage fades And I return to the cold of my bed all alone So don't let the light shine in I never want to open my eyes and find that you're not next to me Because this might kill me... Only having you in my dreams and never having you in my reach Last edited by LuneLight; 05-19-2017 at 06:06 PM.

09-29-2012, 02:42 AM	#44 (permalink)
Gucci Little Piggy Music Addict Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 315	You do have potential, but the way you talk about love is pretty cliche, it's the big pitfall of making poems about love, they're hard to keep fresh because it's been done so many times. The use of metaphores is pretty good though. __________________ My Last.fm. Please add me. Now. NOW. FUCK THE PORN IT CAN WAIT. My RYM thingy I now have a tumblr and I do stuff on it

10-09-2012, 04:04 PM	#45 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	Morning star Forever his Forever subservient to him Forever under his thrall Forever haunted by the Morning Star There's always a light burning in the distance Seeping through the cracks in these prison walls I try hard to reach it and be a part of it But the devils hold on to me so possessively They'll never let me go In a dream I'm climbing a ladder to salvation With sin chained around my waist They keep me tethered to the past They keep me from a life of peace... His maniacal laughter stretches out from beneath His words fill my mind and soul "You'll never be a part of the light" I just want to run until I feel safe Just want to run so far... But there's no place far enough, no escape You can't outrun the Morning Star. If I was strong enough to break free from these walls Maybe I could run and reclaim what I lost And be with the ones who reside in the light But the devils hold me as their slave They're all I have. This is all I know. Despite what I want I'm forever a prisoner Forever without a name Forever his Forever haunted by the morning star

12-16-2012, 12:49 PM	#46 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	Limbo Last night i dreamed of running from this place, Instead of faking it through another day And always shedding tears of shame, Always trying to win this game But that was just a dream... This is my home And I spend all my time... Wandering the circles of my mind... Speaking riddles and rhymes... Searching for something i may never find... Just a reason to breathe. Just a reason to be alive. Naked, I stand in front of the mirror, staring at the reflection of a stranger. I see nothing in those hollow eyes. No life beneath his pale skin. And it's as if I never breathed a single breath. Never dreamed. Was never warm. It's like I've always been this ghost Never moving forward. Never knowing more than this. Always in Limbo... Where i spend all my time... Wandering the circles in my mind... Speaking riddles and rhymes... Searching for something that I'll never find... A reason to breathe again... A reason to be alive again...

12-16-2012, 10:31 PM	#47 (permalink)
Hamilcar Groupie Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: uk Posts: 10	Coool i liked your poems they are nice __________________ .

03-06-2013, 12:39 PM	#48 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	Frost Bitten Frost bitten soul Bound by a body he doesn't want In a world he can't call home With a dream he'll never reach Surrounded by people he doesn't trust They'll never know what he really wants Heart is so cold Beating in pain Blood like broken glass Scraping through sandpaper veins This body's like a prison cell And my soul's been sentenced to ebb here Until one night it'll be silenced by hypothermia I tried to be a part of this place Thought I wanted to be like everyone else But I'll never see things as they do Or find comfort in anything the way they can I only see ghosts where life should be And when I speak my words are empty as they fall upon deaf ears never revealing what I wish i was saying Is there a sun warm enough to thaw my frost bitten soul And set it free Can it melt this prison away until it holds me no more Can I escape the depths of the gelid seas that swallowed me whole If this body dies, will I finally be able to take to the sky? Oh, set me free I want to be free But this frost bitten soul... Is bound by a body I don't deserve Getting colder everyday Losing warmth with every breath...

03-23-2013, 11:03 PM	#49 (permalink)
JDD993 Groupie Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Dublin Ireland Posts: 3	That's very nice poetry. If i was reading it as a full collection from a book I would find it a bit too dark though. But that's just me, I like a lot of variation.

05-25-2013, 06:04 AM	#50 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	left behind So tired of being left behind And being at the receiving end of a goodbye As if my love doesn't mean anything It's just a way to pass the time I don't think I could take another disappointment If there's a God I beg with all my soul for you to stop the pain Or take it all away Take everything away If love comes again and leaves me here to cry leave the wound and let me die Don't stitch me back together Because if this is my curse If this is my life I'd rather not survive I hate that I'm too blind to see a promise for what it really is I never see the lie I only see your eyes That's why I'm always the one left behind It's why I'm always at the receiving end of a lover's goodbye And if love comes again just to leave me high and dry, please just leave the wound, let me die Don't stitch me back together Don't let me go back to feeling the way I've been feeling forever I don't want to survive If this is my life I'd rather not survive