fruitbasket2468

Like a lot of "writers", I also feel the compulsion to put my stuff on display. Maybe with practice I can actually make something of my writing. For now, I'll just keep practicing. I should note that I'm only posting lyrics here, not poems.
Here's my first:

I'm Sorry (My Friend)

(Verse 1)
I let your love become mine
He wasn't mine to have
It wasn't exactly cheating

But I wasn't a friend to you
The alcohol confused me
My heart overpowered my mind

(Pre Chorus)
Now let me make things right

(Chorus)
I swear I won't hurt you again
The memories won't make you cry
I'm in control and I'm faithful to you
No more mistakes
And no more lies
I'm sorry

(Verse 2)
I still feel the urge
The fire deep inside me
Feelings I can't will away

On the edge of danger
My guilt will protect me
And save me from my regret

(Pre Chorus 2)
I'll tell you so you don't forget

(Chorus)
I swear I won't hurt you again
The memories won't make you cry
I'm in control and I'm faithful to you
No more mistakes
And no more lies
I'm sorry

(Bridge)
He will always have my heart
But it's not worth losing you
I can change
You'll see
We were meant
To be
Friends forever

(Chorus)
I swear I won't hurt you again
The memories won't make you cry
I'm in control and I'm faithful to you
No more mistakes
And no more lies
I'm sorry

*I know some parts of it are cheesy, but I guess a lot of the songs I listen to regularly are a bit cheesy... again, these are lyrics meant to be paired with music so alone they sound pretty sparse.

VEGANGELICA

Hi fruitbasket,

I've been thinking for a couple of days about what to say about your lyrics. They are very direct and read almost like a diary. They remind me a little of a country song I heard recently that tells a story in a very straight-forward fashion:

Matt Kennon - "The Call"

Matt Kennon, "The Call" - OFFICIAL VIDEO - YouTube

For my tastes, the description of emotions and situations in "The Call" is too direct, too specific (although I like the idea behind the song, just not the sound of the song as a whole, especially not its country flavor).

I feel the length and structure or your lyrics are fine, and I like the idea of a song about one friend asking another friend for forgiveness for having (apparently) fallen in love with her boyfriend, which she regrets.

My main quibble is with some of the content of the song: no one can promise another person that memories won't make her cry, for example. The promises in the song sound too grandiose.

My favorite line is, "I wasn't a friend to you." That's a very honest admission.

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